Building Detachment

I'm Sorry doesn't mean it didn't happen. It means that you both acknowledge something DID happen and that the person who is apologizing recognizes that they handled the situation poorly. Accepting an apology doesn't mean that you will forget what happened. It just means that you also acknowledge something happened and that the person feels remorse. There is an understood statement behind it of "We will both do all in our power to make sure this doesn't happen again." When the act is repeated numerous times the "I'm Sorry" becomes less effective and starts to become mearly a detachment from the act. It hurts when, what sounds like a true, well-meaning apology, feels less real over time, even if you know it was given with the best of meaning and intentions. It just stops feeling like "I'm Sorry, it won't happen again." and more like "I'm Sorry...again." People sometimes seem to forget that...and it seems to be a valuable thing to remember.

Picturepost Part 2...Still Fun

My Cousin Tristan lounging about in the car on the way to lunch.

Will in Rollerskating Carhop get-up

Me and Alyse after running over a guest in my rollerblades

This was supposed to be a muscle pose..but somehow we became the pirates of the clown carribean

Scarecrow Jared looking all sullen without his poinsetta girlfriend Carrie.

Pins And Needles

Ok..so the original plan for the blog was to type whatever I was feeling down. At first I didn't think at all about who was reading and now..that's all I think about. I wish we lived in a world where you couldn't be to honest...but it appears I do not. Honesty is not the best policy. The best policy is keep your mouth fucking shut unless someone asks..and then only tell them the truth they want to hear or a severly watered down version of what you want to say. What's the point in blogging if I can't say what I am feeling without thinking "Will this get me kicked out of a show?", "Will this end a friendship?", "Will this piss off a friend of a friend?" I would try the whole secret blog thing..but someone would eventually find it and then I would have months and months of whatever I was feeling hitting me at once after they read through the whole thing and I yet again got bit in the ass for being to honest. I understand that harshness accomplishes nothing..but this is where I put things down. I understand that a private forum may be better..but ya know what? Maybe I don't want these feelings to be so fucking private. If I want to put out what I think about whatever I am thinking about...that's what I'll do. Writing them in a journal and shoving it under the mattress is just fooling yourself. The universe isn't listening to that..not unless you let the universe read it. So you know what? Read away. Welcome to Eric Uncensored. If I lose friends or acquaintances over this..so be it. I don't need whoever they are anyway. This is not directed at any one person. I know several of you will think it is..and I just want to make it clear that this is a release of a lot of stuff. Ever since the Charlie Brown blog got me singled out and mindraped this has been building and now it's coming out. I'd think that my honesty would be a good thing. I try to be tactful..and when I am proven wrong on a subject I say so, in this very same public forum. If you disagree with something I say...that's fine. Tell me. Don't single me out and threaten me or whatever you are planning. Tell me what you think and I will tell you why I came to the conclusions I came to and we can talk it through like adults. This may be a 2:30 in the morning rant..and I may feel different in the morning...but I realized recently that this blog is no longer fulfilling it's purpose. The Universe has no idea what I'm saying or thinking..cause all my important posts are saved in draft form. I want the people I care about to know what I'm thinking..know what I'm feeling... If I say it harshly it's because I'm feeling harsh about that subject at the moment. The next day I very well may reword the statement..but I will rarely remove it from the post. That's how I was feeling..and that's valid. Deal with it. I'll blog later..and it wll be lighter..what with all this off my chest.

Eric's First Picturepost

My parent's got me a digital camera for Christmas so now you get to see my life as well as read about it. I am sure this will lose it's new eventually..but until then...bear with me.

Blot gaurding his new plushie candycane. (Which five minutes later he consumed.)

Sam gaurding his running mouse...of which he is terrified.

Six getting in on the fun and sitting pretty for the camera.

Now onto the Macy's Parade

Me in most of my friends nightmares.

The beautiful Sandi. Ahh...lets sigh a moment.

Me and Trace...clowning around.

I think that's it for the moment. Only have a 16 mb memory stick..so I can't save many pics. I'll post more later.

Perpetual Weekday

So I am in the Macy's flow. It is constantly somewhere around Wednesday. The week has definetly started, it's not over tomorrow, and I'm tired. It's not a bad thing..just a little..wierd. I always have to ask myself what day it is...and more times than not..I have to ask someone else what day it is. Scrooge is over. It was fun. Alyson and I look....eerily in love...on screen. I can't help it...it's wierd. I kissed Alyson...while doing it..not an issue at all...while watching it...it's like "Wait a minute...those are our lips..and they are touching..and it looks like we are enjoying it." Wierded out. We made brownie in a cup..which was a big hit..probably mostly due to the fact that anyone who eats it experiences instant chocolate overload and will most likely be struck down by diabetes sometime next tuesday. That's all that's going on in my life really. Met some nice people in the parade...several of them I am going to make a conscious effort to get to know better in the next few days...Into The Woods is going to be fantastic..exspecially if Chuck gets to do the set he wants to...it sounds amazing..as usual. That man is a genius. Give him some styrofoam and he can give you anything...anything at all. Anyway..that's about it. Rollerblading is fun. I am thinking about taking it up as a hobby. It's a good excercise...except for the week ankles and the falling. But atleast on a normal rollerblading outting I wouldn't have to wear the clown makeup. By the way..if you see me..the make-up does make me feel like a kid again...mostly cause of the thrusting me back into puberty by causing huge acne breakouts all over my face...well not all over..just in two eyebrow patches above my eyes, two triangles under my eyes...and around my mouth(which is pretty much constantly a redish hue from the oversized smile that never seems to totally wash off.). Oh well. I'll blog more later.

Of Chicken Soup, Macy's Parade, and Smallville

So this week has been pretty busy. Most of it is a blur so I won't bore you with the inaccuarate details of it all. I am a rollerblader in the Macy's parade and I am having a blast. I haven't fallen yet..not even once...and I am actually getting pretty decent. The cobblestone section of the parade route is kinda....tedious..but otherwise..fun. Today I came back to Tracy's afterwards and we ate some homemade chicken noodle soup and watched the episode of Smallville that we missed. It was good. Not great..but good. That Lex...always being evil. Umm...yeah..that probably all that's going on. Scrooge is still going on..it's good. Kinda lost that trill of new show...but still good. I am going to be housesitting the latter half of December and the beginning of January..fun times. That's all I gots. Blog later.

Old People's Theater

"That was wonderful. I don't know why we are here but it was wonderful....oh! Like the pie...would of been better with real sugar but that Splenda is something else. Did you see that boy with the ears? He was amazing. Oh look...cookies. These cookies are a little dry. The cookies at the home are wonderful." That was the extent of the conversation at the theater by the elderly women's club that rented us out at 2 p.m. today. It was....entertianing...I suppose. I'll blog later.

Why Am I Incapable Of Rational Thought And Action?

So I just got in from the Jaws party. Glad I saw them..not so glad I went. Three of my biggest crushes ever...one with a date and the other two flirting with eachother constantly and eventually almost leaving together. Yeah...that's fun. I wish I could turn my liking people off. It would make life so much easier. The show is going well...first friday hell weekend is well on it's way. 2 shows tomorrow. Joy and rapture...but mostly just a pain in my ass.
Eric's Comment of The Night: They really should bottle this awkwardness that comes out of me....Calvin Kline could make a killing
I'll blog later.

Has Eric Finally Learned His Lesson...We Will See

So I am really pissed off at a couple people right now...and I want to blog it all..but I can't..cause it would get out to everyone and their brother and then people would get hurt and I would be left with fingers pointed at me. So I typed it all on my computer...an incredibly angry rant of what I would have said had I realized what was going on. It will stay here. I may let others read it...but only a select few and that's a huge maybe. So what I will say here is that Into the Woods is going beautifully. There have been some cast changes...but none we can't handle and a few that I welcome. My hair is a beautiful brown with a hint of red...It's nice. Don't ever ask me to try to find this color again..but it's nice. I'll blog later.

Jumping

Life is complicated. This is something I have come to realize. I was watching Dead Like Me…which is pretty much a nightly ritual (I know..it’s a problem…but have you SEEN that show? I mean come on..awesomeness on tap.)….and something was said that I felt was blogworthy. It seemed very relevant to several current situations. Here it is.

Set up- (Riverside. Betty has just pulled herself out of the water after jumping off of a nearby cliff.)
Rube: Where you off to?
Betty: I’m going again. That was a hoot.
Rube: Oh, you like falling do you?
Betty: Well it’s not the falling, it’s the jumping.
Rube: Well, you know, I’d feel a whole lot better about the jumping if it weren’t for the falling.
Betty: Falling’s easy. You just fall. Jumping requires strength of will.
Rube: Unless you’re on a plank.
Betty: Then it isn’t your choice, but if it is, it’s the best feeling in the world.
Rube: And you don’t care where you land?
Betty: Landing’s a lot like falling. You just land.
Rube: (chuckles)You’re a force of nature.
Betty: You should really try the jumping. It’s the greatest feeling in the world.

So today I am going to close a little differently. You must have the strength of will to jump. Be confident that you will land where you are supposed to. Our friends and family are the cushion that will catch us. And I know that my cushion will never fail to support me when I jump. Be a jumper. Be a force of nature. And love every minute of it.

One Weekend Gone

So the first weekend of Scrooge went well. Well...my first weekend of Scrooge went well. So did everyone elses...but this was there second weekend of Scrooge..and only my first...but it went well. Alyson and I found that we play love for eachother pretty well...we also realized that generally when we are doing that...we are looking at our own reflection in the other's eyes. What does that say about us? It says that we are actors...and apparently fairly self centered actors at that. After realizing that we realize that we are doing it and burst into giggling fits in the middle of scenes..it's good times. Luckily giggling is a sign of lovesickness....so it works out. Nothing else really happened this weekend. Billy is in California...so total loss of contact with him...that was sad. I work at Jan's school tomorrow...YAY! It is going to be fun. On a totally random and disturbing tangent that has nothing to do with anything that was said in this blog up to this point...I was propositioned last night online...by an old guy. He offered me 250 dollars for...intimate touching. I'm not cool with that. I politely declined...several times...and then blocked him. It was incredibly disturbing...and for some reason..kind of a little flattering. I'm worth 250 dollars... Is that wrong? I think it might be a little...but atleast it's honest. I'll blog later.

Day of Delicious Turkey Death

So I got up at 5:30 this morning and cem over to Orlando to my Aunt Jackie's house. I am cooking the turkey, stuffing, gravy, and a maccaroni pie. So good. Hope everyone has a good Thanksgiving. Ok..so what am I thankful for? My family, my friends, my acting theater life, the call from Universal offering me rollerblader for Macy's, the call back from Universal saying the days I have to take off is ok, my health, my dog, my cat. Lots of stuff. Can't think of a whole lot that I am unthankful for at the moment. A romantic relationship of some kind would be nice...but I'm not pushing. I really enjoyed my time with the elementary kids this week at the montessori school. Now I must go and continue with the basting. I'll blog later.

The Municnexorcism of Eric's Nose

So that chest cold I have had for a week is finally on it's way out. I went and bought some Mucinex. Damn that stuff works. I took one dose and the next morning I woke up and there was green stuff everywhere. It was awful. But seriously....you get a chest cold that just won't quit...leave the priest alone..get mucinexorcised. Just as good. I think maybe I will write a commercial for them. Anyway...I worked for Jan's school the last couple of days. I really enjoyed it....a lot. Those kids are really great. I got to cook with them...even though the soup turned out awful..cause of the stone in it. We were making stone soup...with a stone in it..just like the story...and the only problem with that is...you can't stir it on the bottom...cause the huge honkin' stone in the bottom. So it got burnt a little..and the whole soup tasted as such. Made cider too...that was a hit with the kids. They loved it...and so does Alyson. Gave her the rest. There was like a gallon left. So Thanksgiving is tomorrow...I am feeling much better..and I am cooking an awesome turkey tomorrow. So...yeah...that's all really. I'll blog later.

Stop The Production I Want To Get Off

Stress city. I have discovered something new about myself in the past few days....I have trouble accepting compliments. I am not sure why. I always justify them with something along the lines of "Anyone else would have done the same thing. I just did what was right." Even if I don't say that...that's what is going through my head when I say "no problem." or "Thank you." Everyone is saying I am doing a wonderful job as Ebenezer....even though I am not entirely thrilled with my performance...but I am never entirely thrilled with my performance...on stage, in a relationship, in life. I always could have been a little more convincing, could have been a little more caring, or could have made better choices. I got a call today from the Macy's Parade at Universal...not the whole parade..as it finds it hard to coordinate and make a phone call...but a coordinator who speaks for the parade. I was offered Rollerblading clown. That's right...Eric got the ever coveted position of rollerblader. I get 10.80 an hour verses 7.15. It's cool. Then I told them about Scrooge and they told me they have to get back with me to make sure that the 2 Sundays I have to miss aren't so big a deal as to take away my role. If they call back and say that it is..then I will tell them I can probably get out of one of them..and then call in one of them. These are the days of my life now. Everyone pray for me...cause if I get this job...you get presents. On a related note...I said happy holidays to someone today on my way out of the grocery store...and I got all giddy with holiday cheer. There's a chill in the air, candy canes on every shelf, the smell of pumpkin pies and cinnamon and gingerbread fill the air in publix. I love this time of year. Sure...I don't get to scare people...and it's no Halloween...but what is. Christmas has a singular charm I wouldn't trade. I love you guys. Blog later.

Schroeder Tired

So the first weekend of Charlie Brown is over. The houses have been...pretty empty..but receptive. There have been some really funny "Baseball game" moments. I don't want to spoil anything...so that's all you get. I'll blog later.

Do What Now?!?

Ok so tonight is our final dress with invited audience...and the first time we are running the show without stopping. FREAKING OUT! Blog...terminated.

Why Don't I Care More?

My uncle died today at about 3 p.m. I am not sad. I feel like a horrible person cause I don't feel horrible. He was in the hospital for a few days...got pneumonia. He had cancer. A spot on his pancreas, a spot on his lung, and his liver was messed up. I know I should be sad..but I'm not. I gotta learn to let go..but...I just can't. My dad's side of the family and I just don't get along...we exist together..that's about it. They live 10 minutes away, have only two nephews, and they can't remember our birthdays. They have never tried to come to one of my shows...or even ask how they are. They bought sporting equipment for me for Christmas every year...until they just stopped buying gifts for us all together. He died...and I'm sorry that my aunt reba lost her husband..but I am not sad yet. I don't know if I will be. Maybe I don't have a soul anymore..maybe all the joking is right. I'll blog later.

Proudamaboy

So this blog is dedicated to Alex. He's awesome. Saw him in Salt And Pepper today...and it was awesome. Rather than type it all out I am going to copy and paste from a previous entry during Lost In Yonkers. "Alex (Arty, the youngest of my two sons in the show) is truly amazing for his age. He is 15 and doing things as an actor that I don't think I could have pulled off at his age...and really just an all around great kid while doing it." So the opening of Charlie Brown looms in the not so distant future. We open one week from today. Show dates and times are as follows.
Friday 11th- 8 p.m.
Saturday 12th- 2 p.m. & 8 p.m.
Sunday 13th- 2 p.m.
Friday 18th- 8 p.m.
Saturday 19th- 2 p.m. & 8 p.m.
Sunday 20th- 2 p.m.

I hope I will see you all there. Go see Salt and Pepper too. I'll blog later.

Wait...What Was I Saying

So I'm blond now. It's wierd. I don't hate it, I don't love it. Halloween is over...I hate that. How does the end of Halloween sneak up on me every year? You'd think I would totally see it coming..but I never do. I am profiling to be a entertainment coordinator. That could be cool. It's atleast in my field. I'm still tired..but not as tired. Ran out of gas at home this morning. No more hot water until Friday...so I will be bumming showers from all my wonderful friends. That's right Tracy and Billy...this means you. That's about it. Blog later.

Freaking Pain In The Ass BBQ

So I got up at 7 to start BBQing for my cast at HHN. Took me 2 hours to get the fire up to standards in the smokers...then I was talking to my father and he told me there was no way the meat was going to be done in time on the smokers...so I had to build a new fire on the main pit. Built a roaring fire on there and transfered the meet over to that pit at about 11:45. It should be fine..just a busy morning. 6 sets at Halloween tonight is going to drain me to the bottom of my reserves...luckily I have people to talk to on the way home. Into The Woods readthroughs are tomorrow morning at 10 a.m...I'll be there..in some form. Probably in pajama's...and drooling slightly from exhaustion but that's ok. I am excited about getting started on that show. However I doubt very seriously that I will be hitting any "Giants In The Sky" caliber notes that morning. The people who haven't heard me sing will just have to go on faith that I can do it. I am missing Charlie Brown rehearsals. I have grown to love this version of Schroeder too as I said I would. I enjoy my time as a 6 year old. It's fun. I'll blog later...gotta keep an eye on the fire.

No, I Have A Penis, That Was Sunday's Point Of Ridicule

So it's been a long week. Sunday I finally got to be a Checkerboard. It was fun. Except for the tight pants that made my package...well...incredibly visible. Then on Wednesday at rehearsal the director said I throw like someone with a vagina. OK PEOPLE! Which is it? Penis or vagina? I know what I have..but if everyone else makes up their mind I think the world will be...THE SAME! Move on. Tonight I was a blizzard boy at HHN..I yelled a lot. Told a kid I lived under his bed...he started crying..ah the joy. Now Charlie Brown opens on November 11th. Friday at 8, Saturday at 2 and 8, Sunday at 2 for 2 weeks. COME TO THE SHOW...if you want....to stay on my good side...which isn't particularly nice most of the time..so..imagine the bad side. Just kidding..come if you want...don't if you don't want. Whatever. It's gonna be good though. I'll blog later.

Commence With The Bloglin!

So last night was fun at Halloween Horror Nights. I was in the water mole room with Billy and we came up with out own code words. At one point he pointed out this woman who was shaking and saying things to herself and near tears and yelled, "Eric! That eggs about to crack." and I jumped out and brought her to her knees crying. Then I came back into the room and said, "I think I just made an omelette!" This is only one of our exchanges...and they are hilarious...cause no one could hear us. It was fun. I am over at his place now and we going to go run some errands and get some lunch..and I am going to have a talk that needs to be had...one way or another. Halloween is still very fun....Macy's is shaping up though. I'll probably be walking stilts or coordinating. Anyway...I'm gonna go and I will blog later.

Disturbed Sleep

I had a really disturbing dream last night. Woke up at 6:00 a.m. and didn't fall back asleep for half an hour cause I was thinking that maybe someone was in my house. I was in a house...really messy. Filled with books and computers. I found a peanuts comic book and read it but it was all about snoopy for some reason..no Schroeder...and I couldn't get the lights to turn on right...they just kept flickering. This guy showed me a secret level on Doom...and it showed you a movie trailer or something. Then I went outside and some girl pinned me to the ground and tried to gouge my eyes out with her fingers and that's when I woke up..when she was trying to pulled my eye out. It was really intense. That's just the bits that I remember. Anyway..Halloweeen Horror Nights is still good. We are having fun. I had a lot of fun with the A cast last night. I missed them last week when I kept getting stuck with the B cast. I'm having internal conflict about the guy who may have been flirting with me. I promised I wouldn't persue anything cause it may make things awkward for...others. But I'm thinking I may have to just ask if he's at all interested in hanging out outside of work. Just so that if he says no I can crush the crushlet before it becomes a full blown crush. If he says yes it can develop at normal pace without any worry. Computer is being annoying. I'll blog more later.

Blogging At Tracy's

So I am here at Tracy's waiting for the play selection meeting to begin. It will be an interesting experience being part of the selection process for Moonlight. Then I can see what shows they could have done but chose not to. Not sure if that's a good thing or bad. The excitement of Jack is seeping in. Billy accepted the part...so I am excited that we will be able to work together. Ate at Steak N Shake...had a Dark Chococlate Fudge shake...OH GOD YES! That was so freaking good. Killed my tenor range for a few hours atleast..but it was worth it. I'll blog later.

Cleaning Habits Of A Trailer Trash Refugee

That made sense in my head. It's 2:25 and I have just finished doing the dishes, washing and folding all my clothes, and concidering sweeping and mopping the floors. This trailer is disgusting. If the lights worked in the living room/dining room I would go and clean that up...cause that's the worst of it. But they don't...and I don't care how messy it is...I'm not cleaning by flashlight at 2:30 a.m. So the whole cast has yet to be announced. I want to know the rest. Billy has yet to accept or decline the role. Charlie Brown rehearsals continue. More on that later. I did get to see my Schroeder costume..and I guess I am Schroeder as Billy and Tracy pointed out several times. I have almost the exact same outfit. It's wierd really. I mean we aren't going with the purple cause apparently they couldn't find the purple and black shirt and black shorts that he wears in the comic and movie. So they went with blues. It's wierd..but it will work. I'll blog later

Jack Conflicted

Ok...let me start this blog by saying that I am not as melodramatic as my post yesterday. It just caught me off gaurd. The last place I expected to run into that situation was at Moonlight. Now onto the current. Into The Woods auditions went well tonight. I found out part of the cast. I am Jack, Tracy is Baker's Wife, Alyson is Witch, Nathan is Repunzel's Prince, Kyle is Cinderella's Prince, Amber is Snow White/Stage Manager, Tom is Mysterious Man/Narrator, and Billy was offered Cinderella's Father/Wolf. My conflict is as follows. I was exstatic about Jack for about 45 minutes. I was sure that Billy was going to get Baker and now that I know that he isn't..I feel his pain and my own. The true joy that was building about this show wasn't entirely about the part...it was about the people. I know that if Jan cast someone else she has her reasons. She saw something in whoever that she missed in Billy. I know this must be the case. Whatever it may be...I don't know. I was just blindsided by him not getting that part cause in my mind..it was his. Just like Alyson, Nathan, Kyle, and Tom. I was sure that was the parts that they were going to get. I can honestly say I am not as excited about doing this show with another Baker. I mean I am still happy I got Jack. Don't get me wrong..I was suprised. But without my best friend there beside me I am not as thrilled. That is my post for this evening...in hopes that sleep will show itself. I'll blog later.

Getting It Off My Chest

So here's what is going on. A while back...probably three weeks I confessed my attraction to this guy at Icehouse. I had been attracted to him for a while...well I ended up working one weekend of Evita and I figured..."ah, what the heck. I'll go for it.". So we all went to the Frosty Mug and I told him I was interested in him..and he told me he was interested in me. There was a lot of talking about relationships, and wanting relationships, and past relationships, and how we were feeling that we weren't going to meet anyone. Then we walked around Mt. Dora some and there was a kiss or two. He came home with me and we both fell asleep. Pretty innocent. Pretty tame. The next morning we woke up and one of the first things he said to me was "I can't do this.". I just wanted to ask, "You can't do what? Get to close? Feel something? Be in a relationship?" But I didn't...I played it cool. I said, "That's fine. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. I'll give you my number and you can call if you want." Then that night at the show we totally avoided eachother for the whole first act. During intermission I bit the bullet and went over to him and said hey. He then uttered those time honored words that usually translate to "You won't be seeing much of me after today...and when you do...it will be awkward as all hell." I am of course talking about "We Need To Talk" I hate those words. Anyway...He told me about how his friend had been trying to get ahold of him all night because he had had an emergency and couldn't and he needed to deal with his life right now and all that stuff. I continued to play the cool guy role...and said that was fine. And he said he did want to keep in touch with me and I said great. he said I'll give you my number after the show...I said great. Then I went back to to do the show. Then after the show..he vanished..and I didn't see him or hear from him again until tonight at auditions. I know it sounds stupid and melodramatic...but I really like him....and everything is just kinda....there...and I have a really hard time just letting go. That is what's bothering me. I was sure we wanted the same thing....and I was sure that it was going to happen..and it didn't...but was left with a window of possibility. But I don't want a window of possibility..I want reality. So tonight he shows up at auditions and I waited a few minutes...then I went back and sat next to him and said hey. It was awkaward. I was hoping for a "Sorry I didn't call you, I've been busy."..any kind of excuse or even just a "I had to go right after the show and I forgot to give you my number...here"...I don't care..but all I got awkward conversation about how he wasn't going to auditoin and decided to last minute. How his show is going kinda ok. It was just painful. I guess I just expected to much. Fine...I'm greedy...fine I'm selfish...fine I'm melodramatic(that one I know is accurate...look at this freaking blog.)...but that's me. And I'm still hurting.

Emotional Gravity

Into The Woods auditions went really well tonight. It's pretty stiff competition. The guys were all REALLY good. Everyone said I did really well..but everyone always says that. It's totally up to Jan to decide whether or not I am charismatic and I can carry a part or not. I ended up singing "Dancing Through Life" from Wicked. Everyone said it was wonderful. Then the director decided to have us read from Urinetown. I got to read for Bobby Strong. It was a blast. Anyway...I'm going to go. I'm dealing with some stuff right now. Someone showed up at auditions...someone I like a lot...a whole lot...and I don't have closure...and that bothers me. The problem is...I fall hard..and I fall fast. Hence the title of this blog. Anyway...I'll be fine. Just tired of being alone. I close with lyrics by John Mayer.

Love Song for No One
staying home alone on a Friday
flat on the floor looking back
on old love
or lack thereof

after all the crushes have faded
and all my wishful thinking was wrong
I'm jaded
I hate it

I'm tired of being alone
so hurry up and get here
so tired of being alone
so hurry up and get here

searching all my days just to find you
not sure what I'm looking for
I'll know where
when I see you

until then I'll hide in my bedroom
staying up all night just to write
a love song
for no one

I'm tired of being alone
so hurry up and get here
so tired of being alone
so hurry up and get here

I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
could I have missed my chance and watched you walk away

I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
could I have missed my chance and watched you walk away

I'm tired of being alone
so hurry up and get here
so tired of being alone
so hurry up and get here

you'll be so good
you'll be so good for me
I know you'll be so good
for me
for me

I Wonder If White Statues Bleed Red

So last night I got to be a B cast white statue. It was fun. Discovered that two casts have totally different feels to them. Cast A is creepy scary, cast B is crazy scary. After talking to the performance captain I found that each cast got have the message. We are supposed to be crazy, creepy, scary. Anyway. I had a good time...sort of. They are really nice. They haven't bonded as much as Cast A though. Several of them did come up and say there were really glad that I was going to be in their cast. 2 of them even referred to me as the "King of Halloween". It was kinda fun being Halloween Celebrity. Then one of the White Statues I Was working with decided to give me notes. "I was watching you last set and you need to make some changes." That is what he said to me. Then continued with the changes. Things like..don't go for a double scare. Well I swallowed hard and said "Thank You". I later told my ASM and she said that that was the right thing to do anyway he was WAY out of line. She was like "You're a swing for a reason. It's cause you know what you are doing and can do anything in this house." That was good. Anyway...after observing one of his sets...I realized what his problem was. The way that the 4 lights work in the room work is like this. Each one pulses gently one at time around the room and then they all go super bright for one pulse all together. Well he only scares during that super pulse. That is why he had something to say to me...cause I was scaring EVERYONE and he was scaring every 5th pulse. Anyway...I had fun none the less. Alyson, Travis, Amber, and Travis' sister came through the house. I scared them...but I apparently look oddly attractive painted all white with cracks in my face. I'll blog later.

No I Wasn't Flirting With Him, But I Did Break Someone's Fingers

All true..well..the last part anyway. I very well may have been flirting with him. When did I become flirtatious? I never flirted before...I didn't know how. I guess being an actor...I learned. Apparently he was flirting with me. I didn't notice. I still get very low self-esteemy sometimes about that. Tonight was a self esteem booster though. My Stage Manager told me he almost pulled me to be a coordinator this year for Halloween but didn't cause he knew how much I loved beiong a scareactor, then I found out that most of entertainment is trying to get me to be a coordinator, then my Assistant Stage Manager told me that I AM Charismatic and laughed at the thought that someone thought I wasn't, then an attractive person was apparently hitting on me. Hmmm, It hasn't been such a bad day after all. Happiness is anyone and anything at all that's loved by you. I don't care what you think about the show...that's a great message. Now I think I am going to go and sleep so I can rejuvinate before tomorrow when I have to go to the bank and get money, clean my car, return some rentals, do some laundry, and finish off the night scaring people with a 2x4 in a dark,foggy, windy room. I'll blog later.

Please Everyone?!?! Try Anyone...

Tonight I was a White Statue at Halloween Horror Nights. It was SOOOOO much fun. One of the best roles I have done so far. It was like being in the streets again. I loved it. So if one more person says I am too thin I am going to scream. 2 years ago I was overweight and everyone couldn't tell me enough..now I am skinny..not underweight...still not in great shape but everyone still can't get enough of telling me that I am too skinny now. I am 6 ft tall and I weight 160 lbs. That's not underweight. I do not agree with medical science when it says that I could lose another 5 lbs before I was at the ideal weight for my height....but I am happy with my current size. I want to bulk up, build some muscle, get somewhat cut..but I do not want to lose more weight. Now onto the whole, people calling me a slut issue, (no Billy it's not just you, and this isn't even directed at you, you just happened to be the most recent of the Eric's a slut proclaimers, and I know it wasn't said to be hurtful or anything, and it really wasn't..just stating the facts.) I, for the first time in my life, am occasionally having intimate moments with people, I get caught up in it and hope that more will come of it. I know I have to slow down, I know that a kiss on the night that I tell someone I am interested might be a little fast..I know these things. I am not saying that I want you to stop caring, I am not saying I want you to stop voicing your concerns. It's great that you have all found someone, that you are all blissfully happy. My lifestyle at the moment just isn't working that way. Every single time I have "gotten myself into trouble", as I have recently reffered to it, it truly was with intent of a relationship of some sort to form. It however was not in the cards. I want to be happy, I see the pattern, I just don't care at the moment...and I am happy. This is truly just venting after a long night of scaring the crap out of people. I am not upset, I am not angry, I am not even mildly irritated. Just venting what I am feeling at the moment. Which is what I do on this blog..as stated previously. I will not however be posting again in a few days, weeks, months or whatever to explain this post. So no one post angry comments.

K, This Is Getting Ridiculous

So here's something I cooked that was really good. I call it Chicken Parmesan Quesadilla's. It's a chicken breast baked in the oven with an italian bread crumb crust. Then chopped and put inside a quesadilla with some mozzerella and parmesan cheese. Now the one I made the other day as a trial had no sauce...I dipped it in spagetti sauce. It was good. Tweeks are going to have to happen before it is restaurant worthy...but it is good. I'm thinking about adding some sauce, basil and oregano to the actual quesadilla. Anyway...you fry the tortillas for a few seconds until crispy on both sides. Put the cheese, chicken, and sauce(optional) inside and then pop it in the oven at 350 until it cheese is melted and everything is heated through. I enjoyed it. Alyson you can leave the chicken out and it would still have a very italian taste with the mozzerella and parmesan rather than the normal fontina and monterey jack that is in quesadillas. And that is Eric's Cooking Corner. I'll blog later...like...45 minutes from now at the rate I am going.

DOUBLE BLOG!?!?!?

I would just like to say for all those out there who are tired of "You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown" that you do not have to come to the show if you do not want to. You will however have 100 cool points deducted from your account. You will also be missing out on some quality Eric, Billy, Tracy, and Andrew comedy with special guests Charlie Brown and Peppermint Patty. Account balances are listed below.

Alyson- 400 cool points
Lu Lu - 350 cool points
Jennifer-300 cool points
Sarah- 500 cool points
Sarah F- 450 cool points
Joel- 600 cool points
Amanda- 437 cool points
Lynne- 754 cool points
Gerard- 400 cool points

Please do not overdraw your account or there will be reprecussions.

Evil Rainbow Scvoils Attack!

Sorry I haven't blogged lately. I just feel limited as to what I can blog as of late. Things will get better I am sure. Scrooge is going well from what I can tell. YAGMCB is moving along. We are off book...mostly. Rehearsal got cancelled tonight so I went to check in with my Moonlight peoples. I will be more open with my blog somewhere around mid November until then it's all rainbows and kittens I guess. So...this is for Blog supporters everywhere. Today it was exactly 76 degrees all day long and it only rained when I was inside. There were puppies and kittens and a rainbow constructed entirely of starburst and skittles. A creditor called me today and told me not to worry about paying off my debt, he understood and he would take care of it. I found 50 bucks in my shoe and someone waved me through a toll booth. Then I got home and Blot met me at the door with a gentle lick and a newspaper that consisted entirely of the funnies. I had hot chocolate and ice cream before bed and I fell asleep as soon as I hit the pillow. Ahh...life is good. I'll blog later.

Because I Can't....

::Shakes fist at the sky weakly::

Heavy Chest

There are many things I would like to say right now but fear has robbed me of my outlet. I am truly sorry that the things I said in my previous entry about "You're A Good Man Charlie Brown" hurt people's feelings. That was not my intent. I keep this blog as a reminder of how I felt on the day that I wrote it. My entries are what has upset me, what I am happy about, or just incoherent ramblings about nothing in particular at times. Even when I typed those things I didn't mean for them to be hurtful to anyone because I forget that people even read these. When I type these it is to get whatever is on my chest off of it and go from there. And even so, isn't it better that what I wrote is exactly as I set it down the day after auditions. Totally untampered with, without constant revisions through a twisted game of telephone. Those words are there for me to eat...every single one of them..exactly as I wrote them. I understand that people like face to face interaction, but this truly was never to go farther than off my chest and into my blog to be filed away and revisited later, most likely followed by me seeing it as a childish thing to get so worked up about.

As far as the things I said about the musical director, director, and Charlie Brown. The things that I said were totally pieced together through things I had heard and put together on my own. I made assumptions about why Charlie got the part and posted them on my blog, yet again for my own personal storage, yet again forgetting that this is a public forum. After a week of rehearsals I can see that the director is molding the character in the way she sees fit and she cast the show the way she saw fit. Yet again I am sorry for hurt feelings, this was in no way my intent. Quite frankly if I was out to hurt feelings there are much more sure-fire ways of doing so than posting a rant in my blog on the net and I am lazy...and therefore much more direct about these things.

Now onto the original show vs. the revival. I reffered to the show several times in my past entries as crappy. I understand why we are not doing the revival. Financial issues, rights issues, performance space issues, not to mention orchestration. Let me revise my statement to say the following. In relation to, AND ONLY IN RELATION TO, the revival...the original show is lacking. As a stand alone show...the orignal is very well written, the music is really good, and the characters are very true to the peanuts comic. The only reason I hold a special place in my heart for the revival is the fact that I have seen it quite a few times in the past year and I own the CD. That is the show I know and it is wonderful. Yet again..I repeat..I understand why we aren't doing it. It just isn't within our capabilites in our current space with our current financial means. A really well done original will be better than a lacking revival due to the lack of means.

Also I would like to say that I do not think Schroeder is a bad part. I love the part. Even when I mentioned the part of Schroeder it was always in a positive way. I was learning a song to play for the part. The way I saw it in the beginning was like this. It would be like playing Romeo & Juliet but cutting the famous balcony scene. It's still a great show, but you would still miss that scene. I am a musical person...I just happened to find it much easier to relate to the revival Schroeder because of some of the amazing musical numbers they put in for him. I am finding other ways to relate to the original Schroeder, but I was originally just dissapointed that I was going to be missing out on that musical connection. I will honestly say I do like the character of Schroeder alot whether it be in the revival or the original.

Now onto what I think is the final issue for me to deal with on this entry. It has been said that I have driven a wedge between the cast..almost right down the middle. I really do not feel that this is the case. Since I posted that blog I have been to rehearsal everday and worked as hard as I can. There would obviously be a stronger bond between myself, Billy, Tracy, and Andrew...just because we have a history. I have known 2 of them since I was 15 and the other is my best friend. I am the guy who goes to a party and stands in the corner if he doesn't know anyone. I don't draw people to me. If I ever, in any way, excluded someone from any activity at rehearsal I yet again am truly sorry. I feel that I have worked hard in and outside of rehearsal. I am working on getting off book, I know most of the music, we are almost through with blocking, and any suggestions I made in regards to things we could do in the show were purely because they were things that at the time seemed like they might be a nice addition to the scene. I really feel that everything that I am saying is truthful. Since the day that I got those things off my chest I have not acted out in anyway in regards to driving the cast apart.

I wish I had been able to articulate this clearly today before rehearsal but in all honesty I was absolutely shocked and couldn't take it all in and even form complete sentences outside of "I'm sorry.", "That's how I felt, not how I feel.", and "It was for me.". Yet again I resort to the written word and I will eat every word if necessary.

"Did You Die Today? No? Oh Well, There's Still Tomorrow

So today was the last day of fire drills. It was fun. I was unconscious, resp above 30, unrresponsive. I almost died. 2 Firemen carried me out of the building, dropping me three times along the way. It was fun. The best part was probably the fact that health proffesionals...from health services...weren't sure whether or not I was acting or not. It was cool. Anyway..that's it. Later.

Bloggin At Billy's

This weekend was fun. I went to Universal with Tracy and Bill. It was good times. Universal tried to make it not good times...but we showed them. Halloween Horror Nights continues to rock hard and it will rock even harder once Billy is one of us yet again. He is auditioning on Tuesday and we will see what happens after that...I know he is going to get cast..cause well...he's an actor..and this is the lower level of acting...basest of all animalistic urges. I gotta say it's good to be home..in all respects. I'm at my best friend's house for the first time in a long while hanging out, I'm doing Halloween Horror Nights and hanging out with all my HHN friends. It's just a good time. Even if I still have no money and the calls from the creditors are getting a little threatening. Charlie Brown is still exciting..it will be more exciting after tomorrow when we find out if we are going to be able to get Doc to do the revival instead of the original crappiness of You're A Good Man Charlie Brown. Now off to watch me some Buffy. I'll blog later.

Blogger Spam?!?!?! Nothing Is Sacred

So this blogger spam thing is annoying as all hell. 2 posts and three spams...that's not very good. Anyway..things are good. Cold Blind Terror is going to be amazing. Blog later.

Halloween Horror Nights

It's here again folks...and it rocks! My house "Cold Blind Terror" is going to scare the pants off of everyone. Charlie Brown is still the same...we are going to try to get them to do the revival..and I am learning to play the Moonlight Sonata so that I can be an even more convincing Schroeder. I'll blog later

You're Not So Great A Guy, Charlie Brown

So auditions went wonderfully...it's the casting that wasn't so great. Billy and I were marvelous Charlie Brown's...easily the best ones there. Unfortunately the musical director's son was auditioning and said he would only accept Charlie Brown. If he didn't get to do the show then his mother wouldn't do the show and then we wouldn't get to do the show at all. I ended up cast as Shroeder, Billy as Linus, Tracy as Lucy, and Andrew as Snoopy. The four of us are going to rock..and the patty is gonna be good too. Charlie Brown...not quite as much. We are currently doing the original rather than the revival...so I don't have the kick ass song. I am of course reffering to Beethoven Day. I am going to fight for that one to get put in. Cause I can sing it...and it rocks...and I wanna sing it...and that's that. So anyway...I'll blog later.

Charlie Brown Here I Come

I am over at Tracy's trying to decide what to sing for Charlie Brown auditions. They are on Sunday. We are gonna rock. Tracy, Billy, and I are going to sing "I Wish I Could Go Back To College" and then each of us has a solo piece ready as well. We are hoping things go well and we all end up part of the show. On an unrelated note I am a swing in the "Cold Dark Fear" haunted house this year at Halloween Horror Nights. That's all I know at the moment. I'll blog more later.

Eric's Back In Blac....Um...Tanish, Brownish Hue

So I am back from Phoenix. It was a beautiful ceremony. I am also told that Nathan and Amber's ceremony went off without a hitch..well..except for the one that was planned..cause they were getting hitched. Anyway...I had a blast in Phoenix. I love the west. Desert climate wasn't so bad. I can tolerate 108 if it's not ridiculously humid. I swam, I tanned, I danced, I ate, I slept, I had a great time! Perfect ceremony. On the edge of a lake with mountains in the distance...fairy tale setting. I spent a lot of the weekend hanging out with Christian, Madeline, Joel's family, and his best friend Brian. They are all really great people. Glad I got to meet some of his Cal Arts friends. Brian told me there is work for me at his store in New York if I were to decide to move up there...granted I would make almost nothing. 7.50 an hour plus 2 percent commision selling bean bag chairs at The Love Sack. It was nice of him to offer though. I'm glad I am home. I LOVE flying by the way. I will blog more later. I'm hanging with Billy as he house sits for the newlyweds. blog later.

Eric Does Dallas...in a totally platonic, not sexual way

I'm in Dallas. Flying was awesome. HUGE AIRPORT! I have 2 mnuutes left on the internet kiosk. Fun, fun, fun. Karaoked last nigh for Nathan and Ambers parties. Was fun. Runing out of time. No more money. Blog later

What's Up Doc?

So I went to the doctor today after weeks of uncomfortableness just got to be too much. I have strep throat...and a possible chronic case of sinusitis. Basically my sinuses are clogged with mucus that harbors viruses, bacteria, and fungi. That in turn makes me sick over and over again. HENCE...all the spitting...I mean...being sick. I am heavy doses of antibiotics and decongestants until I get back from Phoenix next Monday. Then I am getting a catscan of my sinuses so we can actually tell if the doc's theory is true. It's a good one though. Works going well...friends are doing well..mostly...and all is good. LATER

Priority Check

So I am house sitting for these rich lawyer people that my friend Allison knows.(Notice...different spelling...so it's not Awesome...it's Allison.) These people are loaded. 5000 dollar painting, annoying persian cat, 6000 dollar mattress, 400 dollars down comforter...you get the idea. Guess what's missing...HOME PHONE...INTERNET. I'm sorry but if I had oodles of money...I'd get those before the painting. You can access art on the internet. It's a cool painting though. I just would have gotten internet. That's just me...a child of the technelogical age. Anyways...I gots to go take care of a spoiled rotten persian. I get to brush him 2 times a day, wash his water bowl two times a day, 3 treats a day, 2 meals a day...spoiled...I only get one usually. Anyway. I'll blog later.

I Thought...

That was the title of a poem I wrote when I was 16 years old. Just seemed fitting. Work is going well...making about 50 dollars everyday at lunch...that's not bad for lunch. Dinner is the place to be though. Someone supposedly brought in 420 dollars in tips the other night. Dear God....let me make half that in one night..and I will be happy...er... There's a lot of drama going on as of late. Nick is no longer speaking to me...don't know why. And the only reason I would want to know is so I can decide whether or not I give a shit. There's all kinds of drama surrounding some of my most favorite people but I am not blogging all about it on here. That's their stuff..not mine. Just lots of worries are out and about. I am going to a house warming party for the people that I will be house sitting for starting next week for a week. I will watch their house until I fly to Arizona for Joel and Amanda's wedding. Then I come home on Monday and the work goes full force. I miss Cabaret...I miss Cliff...I miss Sallyy..and I miss the hookers. But life goes on. I'll blog later.

That Little Old Lady Just Stole My Pen

So I have realized that I am a bad blogger. I get busy and I forget or my computer doesn't work. But I think I make up for it with my witty titles and interesting commentaries. I'm like Harry Potter novels...long awaited but greatly rewarding. And I'm modest too. Anyway...I've been busy as all hell since the Eric's Birthday Bash at Tracy and Bill's thrown by Alyson. It was amazing..my cheeks are still a little red from all the embarrassment...and I have forgotten how to spell. Anyway. Cabaret is over..I miss it. Houlihan's is open..and busy as all hell. My first day I worked a double, I was lunch and dinner closer (basically amounts to dining room supervisor), they are going to train me to be a trainer, I made 45 dollars in tips on opening night..and it was a soft opening. That's not bad concidering 3 of my tables didn't top (EDIT:Um...Correction...They didn't TIP me at all. Damn vowels.) me at all cause they were foreign..or assholes. I went to Encore...I nearly cried. It was so amazing. Luerne was beautiful, amazing, perfect...I can't even describe it. Now my computer is trying to screw up so I will blog more later...I promise.

Happy Freaking Birthday

So today is my birthday, according to the calender anyway. My family is going through a rough patch financially...it's pretty much the last 23 or so years..this is an especially rough patch though. So anyway...long story short...no birthday wishes for me...atleast for a couple weeks. Not being negative about the whole thing just kinda hard to be excited about a birthday free of birthday festivities. It being my birthday is actually depressing my parents. Anyway...I have a show tonight..that should be good. Everyone and their brother is coming. Tyson, James(his boyfriend), Mom, Dad, Mathew (my brother), Bob (my dad's best friend), Donna (his wife), Cindy M. (from HHN and Forum). That's just the one's I can think of right now. Then after the show I am going to Bill & Tracy's to hang with people. I'll blog later

There Was A Cabaret

Well kids, it's almost over. This is the last weekend of Cabaret. It's going very very well. We have a waiting list of 90 for our last weekend and we are TOTALLY sold out. It's wierd to be part of a show that is this successful. Hoolihan's still isn't open but they are saying they are going to be doing orientation sometime next week. Things are not bad right now. I know...shock! I am still pretty broke, still single, still all those things I was last week...but I have wonderful friends and a family who tries their best to make sure I have what I need. And I do. I am not going ot worry about the rest. Atleast I am going to try not to worry about it. It's hard to go cold turkey on worrying. I am at Tracy's right now waiting for her to get ready so we can go to the show tonight. Tomorrow is my BIRTHDAY! Score! It's good times. Nick and I are talking..some. We have talked about going to a movie next week...we will see if that happens and judge how things are going from there. That's pretty much it on my end. InkBlot and Samari are doing very well...running, jumping, and playing constantly. I do want to thank everyone for coming to the show though. I can honestly say there were only about 2 nights about the 15 night run that I didn't know someone...or someone didn't come up and talk to me about a previous performance they had seen me in. It felt good to know that people cared...and they came...and they saw. Thanks you guys...Christian was right...All you need is love and I got it. I'll blog later.

Ah....There It Is

Why can't I ever be wrong? I got dumped yesterday. I mean we weren't really, truly a couple...but I basically got the boot. And through an IM no less. So I guess that's that. Guess that's one more source of happiness gone. Lately those are in short supply. Anyway...I was assured it had nothing to do with me..lots of stess..you know...same old story. Well I'll stop complaining...one thing that came to me after that was..."Funny how when things are looking up you can't see the falls ahead." So after that I went and did Cabaret, got out of there at around 11. Luerne and Erika came..along with a bunch of people from Jaws. They all seemed to like it. Then I went to the Frosty Mug for about 30 minutes cause it was Joel's birthday. Then I went home...was asleep in 15 minutes or so. Then I had to get up at 7 to be at my Grandmother's at 8. So I did that...and when I got here...everyone was still asleep. We are supposed to go buy shoes today. I have to be at the theater are 1...takes me an hour to get there...it's 8:30 and we are still here...Great. Anyway..I'll blog later.

Where Am I Going?

I hate not knowing where I am, what I'm doing, Where I'm going...But that seems to be the name of the game lately. Living in the moment is fine for me...as long as the particular moment is interesting. As soon as I am bored I reflect on my life and what's going on in it and wonder what it means and if I mean as much to others as they mean to me. Not to mention worrying about work, my future..other stuff like that. Life lately has been very strange. I have been thrilled the majority of the time. Just flat out glowing most likely. Bailey noticed it yesterday when I went into Jaws and I had to tell her what is going on. She was thrilled too. Trying to work this all out. I am happy..happy as all hell. Just can't help but question what the universe is planning to kick me in the balls with. Anyway...show tonight...maybe not home...might be going to stay at Nicks.

Pretty Freaking Happy

So things have improved in atleast one category of my life. Money is still REALLY tight, still no TV, Phone, Internet..but there is something great going on in my life at the moment. Would love to elaborate more but there are some people I have to fill in first on what's going on with me. Promise to fill in more later. Lets just say I've been kinda flying around cloud 9 for a couple days. Anyway..things are great. Hanging out with Beth and Nick a lot. Probably not making my parents to happy cause I am not there much..but oh well. I will blog later.

Things Are Looking...Forward...Not Up, Not Down, Just Forward

So Cabaret is going. Some nights better than others..but that's true of any show. My flirtatious may be turning fruitful in atleast one place. Life is getting...bareable..now whether that is because it has been like this so long that I am getting used to it or because it is actually getting better I'm not sure. Someone stole all the money I had in my wallet from me last night at the theater. It as only 5 dollars..but that was literally all the money I had. Oh well..I will report it to Joel..I don't expect anything to come of it though. Anyway..I am off to see the Wizard with Tracy, Madeline, and Bryan. I think I'm probably the tin man of the group. Tracy is Dorothy, Bryan is scarecrow, and Madeline I guess would be the lion? Whatever..I'll blog later.

And With A Firm Blow The Universe Spat Soundly In My Face

So that 200 dollars I had in my wallet...gone..and not to make my car payment. Nope. I had to give it back to the person that gave it to me. Turns out that the product I sold didn't work out so well and now I have to refund. GREAT! I can't take much more of this. Seriously. If something outstanding doesn't happen in my life pretty soon I am going to resort to sitting in my room in the fetal position crying and sucking my thumb. I have no gas in my car, I'm over by UCF, I have a show tonight, I have no toll money, I have no money period. Why does the universe hate me so much? Horrible, horrible luck. I am just waiting for the owner of Hoolihan's to call me and tell me that the restaurant burnt down and now I won't be able to work there. On a related note. Billy is not going to be working at Disney anymore...Jan offered him a job at her school. Great for Billy. Kinda pisses me off a little though...not at Billy...but at Jan. I've been openly looking for work for almost two months now...NOTHING. I have even helped at the school before....gee..glad to see where I fall in the Karma butt kicking club. Anyway...I'm off...Blog later.

And The Winner Is...Drum Roll Please....ERIC'S AN ASS!

So I piss people off pretty frequently. I am not going ot be text messaging any conversations anymore. I come off much more...I don't care...than I mean. Anyway...now that that's said. I am still holding firm that life pretty much blows and sucks simultaniously...and while that sounds like it might be a great things...IT ISN'T! Still no phone or T.V. or Internet at Casa de Crappo. You'd think I would get used to it. Nope. I have watched all the movies I have, read all the books I have for the second time. It just keeps on sucking. I apparently watched A LOT of TV and spent a LOT of time on the internet and phone. Pretty soon I am going to have to resort to excercising...gah! People are already complaining I am too skinny..wait till I actually put some effort into it. Geez! Cabaret is going wonderfully. Shows selling out like crazy. I have secured a way to get to Arizona for Joel and Amanda's wedding. That's cool. I have 200 dollars in my wallet...until I make my car payment..but atleast I can make my car payment. Anyway...I'm off to house of crap. I'll blog later.

Follow Your Instincts, Unless Your Name is Eric And They Tell You To Make Out With Someone

So I went to work..and quit the next day. It was awful...so awful infact that I am not going to blog in detail about it. Then I went to the Jaws Party..hosted by Gerard..or atleast opened up to the Cabaret cast by Gerard. It was fun. I drank, I made out with two people, (apparently took advantage of one of them depending on who you ask. If you see the pictures though I think that no one was taken advantage of.) It was a party in true Eric fashion. When did I become a slut? Anyway. Cabaret is going very very well. We are selling out evernight and overselling some nights. Such a good time. The cast is getting pretty close and we seem to be doing it right. Someone thought we were a touring group the other day..that was cool. Anyway..I am going to go and cook something and then eat it and then READ HARRY POTTER! I'll blog later.

It Won't Be As Bad As I Think

So tomorrow I start my career in the exciting and lucrative world of auto-parts delivery. I am not excited. Not only do I know NOTHING about auto parts, but I know very little about Groveland which just happens to be where I am delivering them. We will see how things go tomorrow. Hopefully it's my overactive imagination working overtime and it won't suck at all. Damn my parents for instilling in me that "eat everyday" law at such a young age. So on the upside I get to ride in a car a lot and listen to music. And I will be making some money. So..yeah.

Cabaret has already proved itself as the most successful box show ever. Go Joel. We are almost sold out for the second week in a row. I am sure we will be by Thursday. So YAY! Anyway..I am going to go home where the TV is full of infommercials and the phone only dials Sprint. Oh...how the not so mighty have stumbled. LIFE DOESN'T SUCK! I'll blog later.

I'm Sorry, I Asked For The No-Nazi Section

SO the first weekend of Cabaret has come and gone. There were a few...hitches...but nothing we didn't make it through. It was a good weekend in all. Standing ovations..good show. Terrance gave me positive notes..which means a lot. He even started them by telling me he wouldn't have cast me in that role...and told Joel so when he made the decision. But he said that I have come very very far in the time that he has known me and looks forward to seeing me grow even more in the role over the course of the run. Now to explain the title...today at the show..right after the first act. They finish "Tomorrow Belongs To Me" and the lights go out..then someone yells "Sig Hial" loudly and strongly from house right. It was... terrifying. The show went very very well today though. We have had our rough spots..and a few not so flattering reviews from friends and family who came to the two preview final dress performances..but they are outnumbered greatly by the glowing compliments of everyone since the show has opened. The chemistry with Amanda and I seems to be tightening a little. It should get better as the run progresses...I felt less like she was ignoring me in the first act and more in love today. So Thursday will tell all.

I also went to see Tom's show at Moonlight. "All Stars" was wonderful. It was written by a local playwright and a first of it's kind for the Moonlight stage. I am proud of everyone for taking the chance. I wish they would have given them more time for rehearsals, maybe workshopped it a little more, and atleast another weekend for performances. The show has great potential. Well..that's about it. Blog atcha later.

Heavy And Awkward...Stupid Typewriters

So rehearsals contiue to go beautifully. Cliff is still "coming along nicely" according to Joel. It continues to rain oceans daily. I continue to be broke as all hell. Things are good. It's wierd how one can almost enjoy the starving actor lifestyle. Eat a little, lose weight, and rehearsse your butt off. I would like to apologize to anyone (Alyson and Travis) for not telling them about the free performances earlier. I didn't know about them until the night before I blogged them..otherwise I would have. Joel didn't tell us about them because he wasn't sure if they were goingg to happen....he wasn't sure if we would have a show by Wednesday night. But we do..and we are...so..YAY! Anyway..Off I go to find a "real" job...whatever that is. I'll blog later! <~~~Anyone remember what that means?

Icehouse Days

So the last few weeks have just been really really busy. Working at Icehouse a lot. Doing whatever they need me to do. Cleaning out furniture trucks, putting legs on platforms, helping Joel with whatever. Basically have become Joel's personal assistant without pay. Hopefully one day there will be some money in the budget for that. Cabaret is going beautifully. I finally found Cliff. As I told our dear friend Alyson "He was hiding behind all my emotional baggage and insecurities." The show is going to be a feast for the eyes, ears, and mind. It's going to be one of those..you leave talking about it shows...no matter what happens. Now I am sitting in the box office with Madeline, blogging. I have been mistaken for Icehouse staff atleast a million times now..it's kinda...fun. People think I know where everything is and why we do things the way we do. Even Terrance told someone earlier today to get me to show them where the paint was. I have no idea where we store the paint..but I found it. Everyone is concerned about my health and my weight. I have apparently lost too much weight and my skin is a slight yellowish shade. I don't see it...neither do most of the other people I know..but that's cool. As Joel said "Why does everyone want you to be overweight and have jondis?!?!" Anyway..rehearsal is later and I need to shower before it. Everyone needs to come to Cabaret. It's at 7:30 on Thursdays, 8:00 on Fridays and Saturdays, and 2:00 on Sundays. It runs from July 8th until August 7th...which just happens to be the day after my birthday...if any of you were wondering. You can reserve tickets by calling the Box Office at 352-383-4616. Seriously you guys...don't come see it for me, don't come see it for Tracy, or Gerard, or Madeline, or Sarah, or anyone else...except for yourself and a wonderful night of theater. Even though coming to see it for us is alright too...cause..we rock. If any of you can't afford to pay...there are going to be two preview shows next Wednesday and Thursday at 7:30. Dont' call for tickets to those..just show up on time. I'll blog later.

And God Said "Let Eric Feel The Wrath of God, And He Did, And It Was Good.

So today I woke up hurting all over. Sore throat. Welcome to Attack of The Flu. Then I went to turn on the TV...and there isn't any. My family has absolutely no money right now cause my mom is out of work cause of her slight break-down she had 3 weeks ago, my dad makes NOTHING cause he is working for my cousin and is underappreciated, my grandmother has a lot of money but isn't spending any on anything because then..I don't know, and I have no job for..well..reasons I have been over. So..basically the Satelite wasn't paid for so now it's off. Under normal circumstances not a big deal...just watch local channels..Well..I live in Bum Fudge Egypt and we don't get any of those out here..literally..ANY of them. I played video games while going through the cold sweat phase. My mom and dad are bring me the stuff to make Chicken Noodle Soup and some Flu meds. Now I am going to go and raid mmy movie collection and lay in bed until they get here.

Signs Of The Week To Come...Or It Could Just Be A Sore Throat

DISCLAIMER!!- The following post may offend some of the more religious folks who read my blog. Get over it.

So I have a nagging sore throat. I am not sure if that is a sign of what is on it's way..or maybe just allergies. My mother made me go to church with the family today. It was almost as painful as I had imagined it being. I understand why some people need to sit in a room for an hour and listen to mediocre music while someone stands up and interprets every word of every passage of a book...I understand that. But why must it be forced on me. I can interpret it for myself. I did get a kick out of the fact that my mother lied to get me there and the whole surmon turned out to be about not lieing. That was fun. Something I learned today...Every song in church will contain atleast 1 of the following.
1. Jesus repeated atleast 2 times concecutively (ex. Chorus: "Jesus, Jesus, I do believe Jesus.")
2. Entire choruses consisting of no more than 2 sentences repeated 3 times each. (ex. "I need you every hour of the day, I need you every hour of the day, I need you every hour of the day. Oh Lord I do believe. I do believe. I do believe."
3. An entire group of people singing with total lack luster expresions on their faces. (This could also apply to school choruses but I thought it was applicable due to the fact that I swear I saw a woman nod off while singing the 15th verse of "Oh God Thou Art Mighty" or some other equally religious hymn.

If you notice any of these things look around...you are probably in a church. Drop a dollar in the collection plate, don't make eye contact, and back out slowly. You will be damned for all enternity but...you'll have sunday morning off.

That's right...I'm going to hell. See ya there Judgmental Judy and Witty Wally.

On other topics...I still have no job. It is going to work out..but it will take time. ALSO..I should really learn how to act before I take on leading roles of totally different characters than myself. With all of that said...I am going to go and try to learn the rest of Cabaret Act 1. We are supposed to be off book by Tuesday night. I know about half of Act one...which is 13 of the 18 scenes in the show. So..not bad. Now if I can just develop a character. Blogatcha later!

So Here's Where We Are....BLOGAROO!!!

So these posts are getting closer together I think...maybe...probably not. In my defense I was in Tennessee for a week....in a tent...no internet access..or computer for that matter. Bonnaroo was awesome! One of the most pleasant vacation like times of my life. AND I went on a whim...something I am not known for doing. It was an amazing hippie music festival and I have thus decided that I like hippies. They are pleasant in general..and fun to watch dance. I got to see a lot of bands, got exposed to a lot of new music..all of which I liked, got to bond with Wade, Amanda, and Joel. It was all around a great weekend. Then I got back and we dove headfirst into Cabaret again. You all have to come and see it...not because I'm in it, or because Gerard is in it, or because Sarah is in it, or because Brittany is in it...though those are all good reasons...but because it is going to be a GREAT show. Check it out on the website. Just go to that link and click on the picture of the Emcee where it says Tables are Waiting. I think that's about it as far as my life goes. I am still looking for a new job. I will find one eventually. To explain my posting problems...I was talking to Billy earlier today and I pinpointed why I don't post. I was writing every little thing down on here in my single daily posts..well now I just don't have time to post daily...or the means really. So when I sit down to post I feel that I have the daunting task of typing out everything that has happened in the past however long since I posted last. Then I end up not posting at all cause I am a firm believer in the "If you can't do it right, why bother doing it at all" way of thinking. Anyway...I will try to post more frequently. On unrelated news...I am an Uncle..kinda..not really. Carrie's little sister Chrissy had a baby boy on June 2nd. His name is Ethan. I saw him today and the Notar clan continues to turn out beautiful people. I was introduced to him as Uncle Eric by Carla..and I kinda liked the sound of it. Anyway..I will blog later.

Blogging From Joel's

So it's been a while. What has happened you might be asking? I will tell you. I am no longer a full time employee at Universal Studios. I am a seasonal employee pulling in a whopping 1 shift a month. Score! That's really pretty much it. Joel and I gutted the box at Icehouse for Cabaret. It's going to be amazing. I can't wait. I picked up Amanda (Joel's Fiance, my Sally) from the airport when she got here. We had previously decided, without meeting, that we were going to be friends. That was convenient. Then we went out for burgers. That was fun. I saw "How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying" last night. Some of them were good...some of them were...kids. Anyway. Now I am going to go and see my friends at Moonlight in "Oliver!" or as I have decided to refer to the show "That Damn Singing Orphan!" Blog atcha Later.

Well..This Is Awkward

You know what the problem with knowing someone really well is? You know when they don't want to be around you anymore. It is painfully obvious. Anyway...guess that one's over...oh well. So I went to Thrill Me tonight. It was really good. Lu Lu played beautifully, Matt was Amazing, Kyle played his character pretty close to flawlessly. The show has creepily beautiful harmonies that stick with you. I got a new cat. Looks just like Figaro did as a kitten. I am going to name him Ninja. He definetly has the stealth down. That is unless I name him Stealth or something like that. I don't know. It will happen eventually. I am going to work tomorrow for the first time in 2 and a half weeks. That should be..painful. I am going gto the parks for fun with Joel on Saturday. Looking forward to that. It will be nice to be out with a friend and not feel damn near alone the whole time. It really is sad that it seems that I am not capable of having two great groups of friends. It sucks. Anyway..I'll blog later.

Random Awkwardness

So the last couple of days have been wonderfully random. I spent Thursday hanging out with Joel. We went to his house, rented a couple movies, abandoned them for Star Wars Episode III, ate some George Foreman burgers, watched some old Icehouse theater movies, looked at pictures of Joel's hilarious stories, just hung out in general. Great times. Then had the show, didn't work Friday either. Then last night we all went to Eduardo's after the show...well first we hung out with this guy Nick that Joel is friends with then we went to the bar. Awkwardness abounded there...damn near got to witness several throwdowns. That was fun, in a totally awkward not fun kind of a way. Going to a Fringe show tonight about Porn...good times. And to the person who posted on my blog anonomously...I was actually talking about a friendship..not a dating situation....but that's cool...wish I knew who you were. Definetly sparked my interests. Got to admit though...part of me thinks it was Joel or Madeline playing a trick..and if so...Good one. If not...come forward...I like to know what people are thinking. You guys have a good week.

So This Is Irresponsibility

I haven't been to work all week. My back was all blistery and even started bleeding at one point. Not pleasant. It's much better now...used up what was left of my vacation time. I hate that place sooo much...really hope that law firm thing comes through. Billy dropped out of Cabaret. That sucks. I was really excited that he was going to experience the Icehouse...but I guess that won't be happening. He will be in Taming of the Shrew. Not going to get into that whole situation. There is a kitten at the icehouse that they want me to take home...looks just like Figaro used to. Probably will soon. My mom is saying with my Aunt Jackie and my cousin dawn for a while to get away from everything. That's kinda been what this week has been for me...but all it's really done is made me not want to go back even more. I have decided that the worst thing I have experienced to date is knowing when a relationship between you and another person is breaking down right in front of you and not being able to do anything about it. It sucks..but I guess that's life. Joel and I are gonna hang out tomorrow. That will be fun. He even informed me that he called me first when he had a day off. That's made me feel good...even though I had to make a joke out of it.
Eric: "Oh Great...I get to be Joel's bitch."
Joel: "nope...if you were my bitch I would tell you to bring food."

Everyone wish Alyson and Lu Lu birthday wishes. I'll blog later.

Busy, Busy, Busy

So the past week or so has been really busy. I got cast in Cabaret...probobly the highlight of my week. I will be playing Cliff. It's going to be awesome. My mother had another breakdown...which is bad. She probably won't be working any more...not sure though. I have a terribly sunburn at Wet N' Wild on Friday. I wore sunblock and everything...wierd. Got to hang out with Rebecca Cullars which was fun. Bonding experience even if everyone else bailed on us. And I spent the week building set with Terance and Joel...which I think was one of my new favorite things to do. Well...I think that's it. The computer is lagging really bad...so bad in fact that I have to wait several seconds for whatever I type to appear on the screen. ANNOYING. Blog more later.

Another Day..Another...Something...witty

So here I am..in class...blogging. Good times. I think I broke my hand a little at work. Not a big deal. Work is going...well..crappy. I am going to change jobs..somehow..soon. Hopefully it's an acting job...well not that I don't have an acting job now..just the next one I would like to be actually called an actor...not a speiler. My boss is an idiot. He gave me a week off when I asked for a day off then yelled at me cause I wasn't meeting my weekly 32 hour minimum. Foreigner is...well...sucking a little. I am sure it will get much better. The actors have the talent..they just need to push the diva out of the way. I had Donato's with Billy today. Good times. Still no word from the person that the thing happened with. My conscience is still bothering me....(Thanks...billy...) Today is the first day of 10 minute play thingies. It's gonna be fun. Lots of theater in a short period of time. My scene is Thursday. Fun. This is being projected on the big screen. I think I am probably done now..I'll blog more later.

Wait...Is This Stupid Thing Actually Gonna Work?!?!

So if you are reading this it means that my computer decided to push it's problems with me to the background and actually allow me to update. So Three Days of Rain is over. It's sad..but I think it was time. Running sound was a great experience. Went out after the final show on Friday...it was...interesting. Lots of fun. Drank a lot, made some decisions, or didn't...and we will see how all that turns out. Guilt set in pretty quick..thanks to...well..my conscience (thanks..Billy and Jen). Who apparently, by the way, think that I am a guiltless bastard apparently. The exact comment was, "I know this is a new feeling for you Eric, It's called Guilt." That makes you feel great when your best friend says that to you. Class is coming to a close, work is coming to a close, the show already came to a close. Things are beginning anew. I am hopefully going to get this new job at the law firm where Allison and Andrea work, downtown. AWESOME opportunity. 10.50 an hour as a file clerk. I can handle that. Flexible schedule...great. Hope that works out. I'll just add that to the list of phone calls I am waiting on. Foreigner has started...for me anyway...the rest of the cast has been very busy for weeks. I am finally there...getting to know everyone. I think that's pretty much it right now. Except for the things that happened during 3 Days of Rain. Alyson came to the show, we hugged, said we would get back in touch. Several people came up and expressed confusion about me being at Icehouse, one actually said "You're at the wrong theater." Apparently evenwith my minimal roles at Moonlight I made an impression. A couple of older people from Royal Highlands told me how good I was in the old people show. That was nice. Anyway..I will blog later.

Blogging From Class Part Duex

So...yeah...here I am again. In class...blogging. Glad I'm not paying for this. I just hang out. It's cool though. Cool people...good times. Over The River And Through The Woods is going...that's about it. It's...challenging. The old people act like 2 year olds. But..whatever. 3 days left and then no more. Work is..work. Everyone seems to be leaving. Myself included. I am trying to find another job...easier said than done. I even applied for construction...that's right...ERIC THE CONSTRUCTION WORKER...it sounds like something from the Village People. On the up side...I would get buff..and tan. They are talking about hippie parents or something now...not really sure only half listening. Billy wants to be an asshole...or something. There are 2 other people reading this right now..atleast..it's kinda being projected throughout the classroom..oh well..not really a private journal anyway. What else is going on in my life...not much. Not dating..have my prospects...sigh.... Too bad they are dating someone else. (Think that was vague enough?? I do.) Tyson and I talk a lot. It's good to have a friend that knows...pretty much everything about me. Kinda harrowing at first but interesting. People are systematically becoming part of my..in the know group. Eventually it will probably come back to bite me in the ass...and not in the good way...but until then..I'll just revel in it. I think that's about it. I'll blog later. Something about cake. (It...apparently needed that. Don't ask. I didn't.)

Blogging From Class

So I am in Acting II, blogging. We are supposed to be working on our scenes but my scene partner is going through costumes for the upcoming show at Valencia. She keeps complaining that she looks like Jesus...Then she chose a plum dress. Whatever. So Work is ridiculously busy. So...freaking...busy. I am getting my prominant Jaws tan lines. Need to go lay out or something..even out the humiliation. Tonight is the first night in a while that I have nothing do to...YAY! Going to go home, wat, clean a little, sleep early. Good times. Too bad I have to ruin it by getting up and going to work tomorrow. Anyway...things have gotten busy. I am in that show with the old folks, "Over The River And Through The Woods" it is going...awful..but not horrible. So...just a little less than tollerable. I am co-stage managing "Three Days Of Rain" with Tracy. Good times. Now my partner is putting on my pillow case from forum. HA HA HA HA HA..cough..cough...sputter...HA HA! So..now...I guess I should go and rehearse. So..yeah...I'll blog later. Unless I keep blogging now. My cousin had back surgery this morning. She is doing very well...already got up and walked a little. So...good on her. I have made a promise to hang out with Tyson from work being that the has gone back down to seasonal and we are just kinda talking about hanging out. "Look Homeward Angel" is going very well. Not sold out..but wonderful comments. I am going ot be in the musical coming up in July/August Icehouse. Not sure as what..but I got my eye on a romantic lead as usual. I'll blog later.

Feel How Big It Is

Ok..now I know how bad that sounds...and yes...it is supposed to. That was the line of the weekend. We had a potluck between shows on Saturday and Christian ate his normal 6 plates of food plus dessert...then Madeline was hugging him and rubbing his stomach and he said "Feel how big it is." and she responded with "WHAT??!?" as anyone would. We had 4 shows this weekend...it is going WONDERFULLY. I love that theater so much. Nunsense is going very well too. That's aobut it for now. I'll blog later.

I Hate Technology, But I Love Technology

I wish I could post more often..but what with my computer not working well and everything it takes me like an hour to post..and I rarely find myself with an hour of spare time just layin around. So here I am when I should be sleeping...posting. Working my butt of at work, rehearsing and performing my butt off at the theater, and rehearsing with the older folks for "Over The River And Through The Woods" Love that part. I will try to post more in the very near future..I gotta sleep now..it's 10 o'clock and I have to be up at 5. I'll blog later.

I'll Take Solla Sollew Over Eden Any Day

So this weekend has been GREAT. GREAT Weekend. The show went very well. Not packed houses every night but the responses from the crowds were very positive. The reviewer came and even though he didn't take my picture he did make a point to come up to me and shake my hand and say it was great to see me again. He can be a jerk when it comes to reviews, pictures, and just all around human kindness..but whatever. I love Icehouse. Everyone is there because they want to be there. Everyone is professional about it because they know that if they aren't...they won't be there anymore. Terrance is an amazing director..which I am sure I have gushed on enough about over the past weeks. The title of this blog is kinda cryptic for most probably. I will explain. The past week or so I have found myself constantly singing "Solla Sollew" from Seussical. Now if you don't know the song then I will explain a little. It is a beautiful song where Horton the elephant and various other cast members talk about Solla Sollew. An place that "Some say is something like heaven" so as to quote the song. That is how I feel at Icehouse. It's just a great place to be. The cast has bonded nicely with future bonds continuing to mature. I am already booked on a trip with Joel and some others to Tennessee for some festival. No only am I booked..but I am driving. Great times. I auditioned for "The Foriegner" yesterday. I think it went well..but I won't know till later this week. So yeah..I think that's about it. The blogs have gotten few and far between cause my computer is a mess..I am going to have to wipe the harddrive and start from scratch but I don't want to lose all of my files..mostly music files and poetry and stuff...so I have to get a jump drive and then wipe the harddrive. So...yeah..it could take a while what with my current wallet moths and all. I'll blog later..when I get a chance.

Zebras Are Hard To Juggle

Sorry again for the not posting more often..just so busy. Today I had rehearsal..as usual...loving it...as usual. I have had a reaccuring thought that if I could find a way to support myself doing this..I would...no doubt. Then I went out to eat with my family..another buffet. My family has apparently decided that the only restaurants worth going to are buffets. I am not happy about this..because you usually sacrifice quanitity for quality. Such was the case the last two nights that I have gone. Then I went over to Jen's house to pick up Billy and ended up kicking everyone's butt during a videotaped game of "Shoot The Paper Target With A BB Gun"..or as we like to call them.."The Redneck Olympics". Andrew, Kyle, Jen, Billy, and I had a great time with that. Then Billy and I went to see Constantine. Good movie..not a great actor. Dead Chickens have a more convincing cough...frozen dead chickens...lungs removed. But the movie itself was excellent..and I was seriously ready for some Eric and Billy time. I miss my best friend. The night was salt and peppered with "the last time I was here I was with..." statements..in the beginning..then that ended and conversation was a lot better. Now I am home..and going to bed. I'll blog later.

I'm Not Always On Time, Please Don't Expect That From Me

So I ended up not going to work today cause I didn't set my alarm. I woke up with just enough time to call them before I got seriously pointed. So I called. Then my plan was to make lemonade out of those lemons and sleep as late as I could and then clean the house REALLY REALLY WELL...then my mother showed up here at 9 a.m. woke me up and told me that she was going to be occupying the house today. She is planning on working in the kitchen paying bills and such..the center of the house. God times. So cleaning the kitchen, mopping, vaccuming...all out..until like 5 o'clock this afternoon when I have no desire at all to do them and she tells me that I need to do them...and I don't want to then cause she just told me to. Ah..the joys of parental closeness..physically. How she annoyed me the most this morning was walking in and saying,

Mom- "Eric this place is a mess."
Me- "My plan today was to clean all day and get the place looking as respectable as possible."
Mom- "Well it needs to be done."
Me- "I just haven't had time. Today I do"
Mom- "Well you need to start finding time."
Devil on Eric's Shoulder- "You know how easy it would be to slip something to knock her out for the rest of the day."
Angel on Eric's Shoulder- "Yeah..for God's Sake...do it."
Me- "Mom do you want a Pepsi?"

Ok...so the whole end of that conversation didn't happen....but everything up to "start finding time" was there. Grrr. Rehearsal shall set me free. Several people last night told me that Terrance likes me..That bodes well for me. YAY. I'll blog later.

The Glitter Of Professionalism

Sorry I haven't been posting much...sleep has just been taking priority. My days are crowded with rehearsals, work, and school...AND IT'S FREAKIN' FANTASTIC! Rehearsals at Icehouse are so different. Everyone is there, when they aren't there rehearsals don't stop. Like tonight for instance. The male lead wasn't there. Christian was sick..so he couldn't come..director's orders. Not like he was sick and just didn't come..but he was going to and Terrance told him not to cause he didn't want to run the risk of infecting the cast...SECONDLY...we got a LOT done tonight..without the lead of the show..the guy who is in pretty much EVERY SCENE. Then we spent half an hour working on the smallest details of my scene. He is teaching me so much. Rehearsals are where I want to be..I am a happier person at Icehouse...Thanks Tracy, Thanks Terrance, Thank You World.

Purpose

This morning started with an Avenue Q reference. I was walking through waredrobe...to get my costume..and I kicked a penny on the floor that I wouldn't have seen otherwise. Then I went on my way...when I walked back by where the penny was it was still there. It was heads-up so I picked it up, then I looked at the date. It's from the year I was born. It's a sign! So the rest of the day went swimmingly...cause I wouldn't allow it to go any other way. Then I went to rehearsal.

I am constantly amazed by Terrance. Seriously. The man is a genius. I watched him go through 5 of the actors in the show in about 10 minutes. He was giving a speech about how our characters are two dimensional right now..and he wants us to be three dimensional. A speech that hurt..but needed to be said and is a great inspiration. Something that would never be said at previous theaters I have worked at...or atleast not articulated so well. This role is going to be a serious challenge for me..he has compared my character to Gene Kelly. I have some movies to watch. I have to develop Luke Gant. I have to make this the finest I have ever been on stage. I have to find out if this is something I can do well enough to actually make it...and Terrance is going to push me to whatever my heights as an actor can be...or make me realize the depths that I truly reside in. We will see..either way it's going to be one hell of a ride. I'll blog later.

I Killed Him

So the show ended yesterday. The title of this blog is the line that went through my head everynight during the death scene in Man of La Mancha. My internal monologue during that scene was basically that by wiping Don Quixote out of Alonso's mind I had also destroyed the man that I knew. That along with thoughts of Alonso had no true friends, only Don Quixote..as I watched Aldonza and Sancho plead for the life of their friend. Then when he died I would also find myself with the same thought, "I did this. I killed him." Last night it hit the hardest it has ever hit. I almost totally lost it. As I leant over Alonso to cross his hands and close his lifeless eyes a single tear fell from my face and onto his. I touched Aldonza's hand and looked her in the eyes before she pulled away from me and dropped Don Quixote's hand. The Psalm still sounded good, but I was obviously struggling to hold it together. Then when we got to the Finale and I stood to sing my intro lines to the song, "To bear with unbearable sorrow." I realized what I was saying..and lost it again..I couldn't hold it together that time though...and I struggled to sing the song. Honestly one of the few times I was fully immersed in a character. EDIT: Another great character moment that I need to add. When I am first chosen as the Padre in the show I would wipe my nose with my sleeve. Last night during the scene just before the finale but after the death scene I had a runny nose and I went to wipe it with the sleeve of my priest's robe..then I stopped...without thinking, looked at the sleeve and rolled it back just enough to wipe my nose with my arm instead of the robe. It doesn't mean much to anyone else either..but I there were thoughts in that that I cannot even recreate..I was a better person for being in that story, I would not sulley the robe.

Then after the show Dan, the musical director, came up to me and said probably the nicest thing that anyone has ever said to me in my entire life. He said, "Don't listen to all those people who tell you that you can't act. It is easy to be way out there and flambouyant. Subtly is hard. It's very hard to pull back and be natural...and you have that. You have the gift of subtlety. It is rare and precious..and if you keep trying..you will make it." Then he hugged me. I think that if I hadn't exhausted my tear supply for the day I would have started up again. Then I left and went to Icehouse theatre..for yet another great rehearsal.

I officially got the part of Luke Gant in "Look Homeward Angel" on Saturday..after a very brief reading. Then a few hours later got blocked into my scene. The people in the show are amazing..I constantly find myself challenged. Terrance, the director, is amazing. Every moment I am on his stage I find myself wanting to impress him, no...not really impress him..make him proud. I just don't want to screw it up. His vision and direction are spotless, flawless, jewels of inspiration. I learned my lines overnight..something I NEVER do. Then went back for another rehearsal sunday. Great, great, wonderful times. Spending a lot of time with Tracy, which is fun. She and I have a lot in common. Good talking during our car pools. Rehearsal all the time will not be as bad as I thought.

Working back into the swing of 5 day weeks at Jaws. It will be great...I can already tell. I kinda blew of the Oliver! rehearsals cause if you have no spoken lines a readthrough is kinda pointless. I do miss my La Mancha crew that are all part of the show. I'll blog later..I am off to bed cause I gotta get up at 5:30 a.m., work at 7:30, out at 2:30, class at 3:30, out at 4:40, pick up Tracy in clermont when I get there, rehearsal at 7:30 p.m. out by 10:30. Fun times. I'll blog more when I get time.