Self Doubt

So I know every actor goes through these dry spells..but this one is hurting. I auditioned for Urinetown and didn't get it..which was one of my dream roles...but that's ok. I can take it. Then I audition for Damn Yankees and didn't get it. When you compound that with auditioning for Disney and not getting even a callback. I am starting to think maybe this thing that I tend to need so bad that it's like air is something I am not good enough for. Maybe I am not cut out for this theater thing. Maybe I should hang my masks up and pick up my knives. I don't know. I love theater...it's what I do...it's part of who I am. I just don't know if I am good enough anymore. And don't get me wrong...I know you don't get cast everytime. I know that. It's just like everything else...you don't always win. But I think if you play a few games without scoring even once....you should look at what you are doing and decide if you are cut out to play. I know I have talents. I know I am good. I just don't know if I am great. If I can't make it here in nothingsville florida...how could I ever stand up to REAL life. I continue to watch my more talented friends rise to greatness and leave me in the wake and then I am nothing more that that random blog comment and occasional call. I don't want to be that guy who did that thing one time who keeps calling even though we haven't talked in years. I want to be SOMEONE. Just what's going through my head right now. I'll blog later.

Who Has High Honors?!

So my first week of school is over and I have the highest grade in the class. Score! It's like a 94..pretty cool. It's going really well. They placed me in a classroom setting first..not in a kitchen. Don't get to go there until Dec 4th. Excited.
I got Jester Stilt in the Macy's parade. Very excited about that. My fitting is Dec 2nd. Can't wait to start walking stilts...the more you walk..the better you get...the better you get...the more you walk..the more money you make. AWESOME...not to mention it's great excercise that I will trick myself into doing any my body is gonna rock. Speaking of...I am also probably going to be playing Spidey at kid's birthday parties..that's awesome. The rockin body is gonna help with that. Not to mention my natural smartass...e...ness. Yeah...smartasseness. Shut up.
I also ran into a Chef at Universal that is going to bring me in a couple days next week to work with him..that's pretty cool. Unfortunately it's only 7 dollars an hour and it's probably going to be more washing dishes and less working the line..but that's cool. What else....Auditioned for Damn Yankees today. That went well. It's out at Icehouse...going for the part of Joe...told them I MAY take one of the quartet that sings heart..but I'd really rather be Joe. Got to see some of my Icehouse family which is nice. And I think that's pretty much it. This has been the Eric update. I'll blog later.

Random Theater Survey I Stole From Alyson

LAST SHOW ADDED TO YOUR RESUME:
You Can't Take It With You was the last one I added...technically. The last one I did was Once Upon A Mattress but it was my second time doing it...so I just added a character.

LAST SHOW YOU AUDITIONED FOR:
Damn Yankees ....this afternoon....

DID YOU GET IT:
Not sure. I sang really well...

LAST SONG YOU USED AT AN AUDITION:
"Go The Distance-Reprise" from Disney's Hercules. Don't judge....it's got a high g...and I can hit it.

FAVORITE THEATRE (VENUE):
That's a tough one. Probably Icehouse...just cause it has a lot of space...but Moonlight has a great little way of drawing in the crowd better. Loved the Black Box at Icehouse when it was there.

FAVORITE MUSICAL:
Got a couple hours? The Last Five Years? Avenue Q? Wicked? You're A Good Man Charlie Brown-THE REVIVAL, Urinetown..... I could go on.

Close Runner Ups:
I love them all equally....

FAVORITE PLAY:
Noises Off. Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead. Greetings. 3 Days Of Rain.

FAVORITE ROLE YOU'VE PLAYED, AND FROM WHAT SHOW?
Probably Jack from Into The Woods. I loved getting to know him.

Close Runner Ups:

Schroeder- You're A Good Man Charlie Brown.

Cliff- Cabaret

FAVORITE ROLE OVERALL THAT I WOULD LOVE TO PLAY:
A tie between Jamie, The Last Five Years. Bobby Strong, Urinetown. and Princeton/Rod, Avenue Q.

SUPERSTITION:
Not very many.

LAST PART YOU PLAYED IN A SHOW:
Prince Dauntless, Once Upon A Mattress. Another really fun one....add that one to my favorite list up there....I'm to lazy.

YOUR GOAL IN SHOW BUSINESS:
To be happy. I will continue to do theater and entertainment for the rest of my life most likely...and if I find a way along the way to get paid to do that..great. If not...then I won't. I would like to try my hand at Broadway..or atleast some "proffesional" theaters.

FAVORITE DIRECTOR:
Joel is really good at making look at who my character is and pulling that out of me. I really admire that in a director.

WHAT WAS YOUR VERY FIRST SHOW?:
It was either Headin' For The Hills or At The Soda Shop. It was in middle school...7th grade... In Hills I played a Hick named Goober and in Soda Shop I was Greaser Number 2...apptly named...Tony.

HAVE YOU EVER HAD A DANCE SOLO?:
No...that would lead to the downfall of modern theater....just trust me. I've gotten pretty close...I had a solo with a partner as well....so...not really.

HAVE YOU EVER HAD A SINGING SOLO?
Many...many...so....many.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN THE LAST PERSON TO TAKE A BOW?
Nope...That's still on the "to-do" list. I'll get there eventually.

NAME A SHOW YOU'VE DONE MORE THAN TWO TIMES:
Never done a show more than twice. I did Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat twice....but not more than that. I plan to do it again though.

HAVE YOU BEEN TO NEW YORK?:
"To-DO" list.

HAVE YOU BEEN TO LA?:
"To-Do" list.

WHAT'S THE SCARIEST PART OF AN AUDITION?:
Auditions don't generally bother me...if they are going to...it's in the 5 seconds between my seat and the stage...and then it's gone.

WHAT'S THE BEST PART OF AN AUDITION?:
Of the actual audition process?.... Getting the "Better than I was expecting..aka....damn...he's good." nod...it's only happened once or twice...but it's great.

NAME A SHOW YOU WOULD NEVER DO AGAIN:
That's a tough one. Can't pull one off the top of my head right now.

NAME A SHOW YOU COULD DO FOR YEARS:
Into The Woods. I miss Milky White.

NAME A SHOW YOU WOULD LOVE TO DO BUT HAVE NEVER BEEN IN:
Go back and look at the list of favorites.

NAME A PERSON YOU'D LIKE TO WORK WITH AGAIN:
I generally look forward to working with everyone again. There is rarely a person that I share the stage with that I walk away going "I'm never working with them again"...as far as actors go..directors, stage managers...they fall into another category.

WHAT ARE YOU AUDITIONING FOR NEXT?
That's a tough one. Maybe Secret Garden, High School Musical The Musical, All Stars. Kinda up in the air with school and all.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN PERFORMING?:
Pretty much since the 7th grade..

DO YOU CARRY YOUR HEADSHOTS AROUND WITH YOU?
I have some old ones from when I was 70 lbs heavier in my trunk..but they don't really work anymore...

DO YOU KEEP IN TOUCH WITH PAST CAST MEMBERS?:
I try...but theater people are generally pretty busy.

ON A SCALE OF 1-10, HOW IMPORTANT IS GETTING PAID?:
Lately...10. My time is either school or work...can't cut any school so I have to cut work..and the show has to compensate for that somehow.

WHAT IS YOUR MOST MEMORABLE PERFORMANCE?:
I'd have to go with Padre in Man of La Mancha. One of the few times I've really lost it during a solo. Not to the point that I couldn't finish my song...but to the point that I was physically feeling the loss. Cabaret was like that too.

SOMETHING EMBARRASSING OR UNEXPECTED THAT HAPPENED TO YOU WHILE ON STAGE?
How about when I opened my writing desk in Man of La Mancha and found a big black dildo in it...that was pretty memorable.

WHO IS THE MOST DIFFICULT PERSON (ON STAGE OR OFF) THAT YOU HAVE EVER WORKED WITH?
Well...nope...can't do it...I'll give you a hint...It wasn't an actor, it wasn't a director, and foam in a cup doesn't look like wine.

EVER BEEN NAKED ON STAGE?:
Maybe in a few months when I'm in a lot better shape...for most of my life..no one would have wanted to see that.

WHO OR WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST INSPIRATION OR INFLUENCE?:
That's a tough one..but I think I am probably going to go with Jeff, Buea, Loyde Bridges. We are supposed to be related...so I figure..they can do it...I can do it.

BEST PROFESSIONAL SHOW(S) YOU'VE SEEN:
Never had the honor of seeing one. That will change...eventually.

BEST COLLEGE SHOW(S) YOU'VE SEEN:
Haven't seen very many...sorry.

BEST COMMUNITY SHOW(S):
That's a tough one too...but Urinetown was really good when I saw it. There have been a lot of great ones devided between Moonlight and Icehouse.

BEST HIGH SCHOOL SHOW(S) YOU'VE SEEN:
Man of La Mancha at West Orange.

ONSTAGE, HAVE YOU EVER...

BEEN KILLED?:
Don't think so...Got the crap beat out of me a couple times...and had a couple seizures.

BEEN DRUNK?:
Nope.

PLAYED SOMEONE HALF YOUR AGE?:
Yeah...Schroeder, Jack...it's kinda a theme lately.

PLAYED SOMEONE TWICE YOUR AGE?:
Yeah... Eddie in Lost In Yonkers was 50..and I played him at 22.

CRIED?:
Yes

FIRED A GUN?
Nope.

DRIVEN A CAR?:
Does Improv count..cause I did that a couple times.

BEEN DRENCHED?:
Yeah. Once Upon A Mattress...the girl playing Fred Used to splash me all the time when she turned after getting out of the moat.

BEEN IN A DREAM SEQUENCE?:
Yeah...it was trippy. It was for a project in Acting 2.

BEEN KISSED?:
Yeah...not until recently..Never got leading guy roles until I lost that weight.

IF YOU WERE ON BROADWAY RIGHT NOW, WHAT SHOW WOULD YOU WANT TO BE IN AND WHAT ROLE WOULD YOU PLAY?
Ummm...lets just say this...if I was on Broadway..I wouldn't be complaining no matter what role I got put in. That's that.

Do you get recess in Culinary School?

So in just 15 hours I am reentering the world of college. I start Culinary school at 7:30 tomorrow morning. I am excited but terrified. I haven't been in school for several years and for some reason culinary school is scarier than theater. I know it's just my own hang-ups getting in the way. So I am trying to forget about the terrified and focus on the excited. I'll blog later.

2 more weeks....

So...I discovered yesterday that my computer will not be fixed by monday as I had previously hoped. The good news is that the harddrive is fine. The bad news however is pretty bad. My motherboard is bad. That costs about as much as my laptop....so I will be going to the Black Friday sale at Best Buy two weeks from now and getting a new desktop computer to replace the hunk of plastic that used to mean so much to me. Anyway...school starts Monday and I am stoked...I'll blog later.

So I feel...uh...I feel...ah screw it

School starts in 5 days...5 days from now I will be re-entering the school setting on my way to being a certified culinarian. In one year and 3 months I will be a certified chef. That's kinda scary. Money is..still an issue. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. To bad that light isn't actually the sun reflecting off a big pile of gold bars or something along those lines..but I guess I can't be picky about this. I talked to Olive Garden about being a server and they love me...unfortunately their only training time is from 9 to 5...and I got to school Monday through Friday 7:30 to 12:30. So they are going to try to come up with some solution for my training issues and try to hire me..that's all I know. Things in my not so personal life are getting better. I'll leave it at that. Want to know more...ask...it's not so personal after all. OH! And my computer is on it's way to being fixed. I made a friend during HHN this year who is a computer genius and he's gonna fix it for me for next to nothing....HOORAY! I'm sure that is seconded by my roommate who has graciously let me use his computer all this time...well I guess we could probably go with tolerated me using it after a long period of arguement...but hey...It was a still a nice thing to do. Thanks Billy! Anyway..I'll blog later.

Update

So my life...right now...in a nutshell....kinda...blows. I never know what is going on. If you look back...I said I wasn't depressed...well I WASN'T...now I am. No money, work sucks, relationships...could fill a whole blog...and if you read back my persuit of one almost has...and school is starting. The apartment is a refuge until I realize that I must pay for said refuge and then it washes over me. I date and I find mysel often confused by dating cause even though Iw ant it it sucks. That's right people dating sucks. Money sucks...and not having any hurts the dating too. School should make me feel better about 5 hours a day..but then make things worse the other 19 hours cause I will have 5 less hours to find money. Anyway...I am only depressed when I stop to think about my impending 25th birthday...and what I have yet to do with my life. One of the things in the forefront is the fact that I have had exactly ONE seriuos relationship..or relationship that I thought was serious only to find out that I was never even dating that person according to him. Yeah...that blows chunks. I will find money, I will find love, I will find happiness. Health, Wealth, and Happiness. Anyway...I'll blog later....hopefully not quite as later as this time.