Eric's Perpetual "huh?"
So I am finding myself more and more frequently confused with life in general. No matter what I try things just don't turn out as planned. I get a good job, it falls short. I meet a fantastic person, they turn out to be not so fantastic. I start a great day, it turns into a week I wish I could forget. I am not depressed...I just think I may expect to much of the people and the world around me. I take to many things at face value. I have to stop doing that. People aren't two dimensional...you'd think as an actor I would know that. lol...apparently not. My life in a nutshell right now is confusing.
I'm just trying to find the place where I fit in the world...and every time I think I've found a niche for myself it slips away and I fall face first into nothing. Culinary Arts school is looking fantastic but everyday it is something new. First my financial aid was a problem...well not just first, but still. Now Valencia is refusing to release my transcripts cause they say I owe them money..which I don't. Maybe I should just wait and not do school until after the land sells and I can be financially stable. I don't know.
Not to mention my love life...gah. I don't know...I think I just want to be with someone so bad that I fall faster than anyone ever should. I find someone..they show interest and so I reciprocate and continue on the "TV/Movie" romance track and before the end of a season they move on. And this could all just be me being paranoid. I found one person that I like right now, but I am noticing patterns already and I don't know how to stop it.
My financial life is...bad. I frequently find myself wanting to crawl into bed and just not get up...ever. Maybe that's why I throw myself head first into relationships, cause if I am there...I'm not here..and I'm not thinking about any of this.
I did do something today that I rarely ever do...cause I know I am a little self-absorbed. The person that I like was having a bad day and I listened and didn't say a word about what was going on with me. That is rare...I frequently get branded as the one-upper..cause when someone says they had a bad day I chime in with what happened to me. I hate that about me...and I try not to..but before I realize I am doing it..I'm done. I think my thought process is that "misery loves company"...so if I tell them that I had a bad day too..maybe they won't feel so bad about theirs. I don't know. It's stupid. I just want to know what to do with my life. Part of me wants to move far away and start over..but that takes money...and initiative...and at the moment I don't think I have either. Anyway...that was my random blog for the evening. Blog later.
