Barely Breathing

I find myself barely breathing lately. Constantly with my nose just above the waters of life. I know that this a common thing in these hard times where the flood of bills and expenses is rising higher and higher each day, but I find it particularly taxing in reference to my own life. Every time I think I have found a shallow spot I lose my footing and slip, surfacing sputtering, coughing, and disoriented. I am tired of being a have not. I am tired of working constantly doing something I love but never having the money to enjoy the rest of my life. I am tired of it..but I wouldn't give it up for anything. That is a strange sensation. I truly do love my job...I truly do love every minute of every day that I am out being who I am. It saddens me that other people, ranked higher than me, don't have the same experience and could care less that they are there and that they have been given such a great chance. We are something that few people get to be...we are children's idols...we are who they love...we are who they rush to see every morning...we are who they snuggle up with at night just before sleep..we are heroes. That should be something that you feel honored to be..not something you do from 9-5 to make ends meet. I for one am honored...and know that that means very little in this industry..but still...I am honored.

Long Time Coming....

I am constantly reminded that I have lost my Eden. The place that I once thought was beautiful, full of life, beauty, natural art...it is twisted forever. The person I once thought a direct line to all knowledge constantly reminds me with a forked tongue that they are no more than a serpent. I continue to go to this oasis hoping to quench a thirst that I see others lacking but all I find is sand and dust. There are those there that are desperately drilling trying to find the fertile soil that once not only produced it's beautiful variations of sustenance but supported every vine and branch in the garden no matter how young, old, green, or out of place they seemed. Unfortunately it appears that the dust has taken over and most of the life that once teamed through this place has long found other patches of green. The few who struggle there don't reach their potential. They are beaten down by harsh winds, be it in the light they are dried out under the brutal visage of the unrelenting heat of the sun, or at night when the they experience the bitter cold of the glaring stars that sit in the heavens in their 12 thrones. These titans not even able to decide if what they feel is right among themselves constantly throwing fire and bitter waves of radiation.

I thought I had found a chance of survival for the place I once knew in a seedling that was budding. However I see now that it will never be able to reach it's full potential. It will only be weeded out until everything looks like everything else. A desolate wasteland of angry sand and resentful winds. And this saddens me to the core.