I Killed Him

So the show ended yesterday. The title of this blog is the line that went through my head everynight during the death scene in Man of La Mancha. My internal monologue during that scene was basically that by wiping Don Quixote out of Alonso's mind I had also destroyed the man that I knew. That along with thoughts of Alonso had no true friends, only Don Quixote..as I watched Aldonza and Sancho plead for the life of their friend. Then when he died I would also find myself with the same thought, "I did this. I killed him." Last night it hit the hardest it has ever hit. I almost totally lost it. As I leant over Alonso to cross his hands and close his lifeless eyes a single tear fell from my face and onto his. I touched Aldonza's hand and looked her in the eyes before she pulled away from me and dropped Don Quixote's hand. The Psalm still sounded good, but I was obviously struggling to hold it together. Then when we got to the Finale and I stood to sing my intro lines to the song, "To bear with unbearable sorrow." I realized what I was saying..and lost it again..I couldn't hold it together that time though...and I struggled to sing the song. Honestly one of the few times I was fully immersed in a character. EDIT: Another great character moment that I need to add. When I am first chosen as the Padre in the show I would wipe my nose with my sleeve. Last night during the scene just before the finale but after the death scene I had a runny nose and I went to wipe it with the sleeve of my priest's robe..then I stopped...without thinking, looked at the sleeve and rolled it back just enough to wipe my nose with my arm instead of the robe. It doesn't mean much to anyone else either..but I there were thoughts in that that I cannot even recreate..I was a better person for being in that story, I would not sulley the robe.

Then after the show Dan, the musical director, came up to me and said probably the nicest thing that anyone has ever said to me in my entire life. He said, "Don't listen to all those people who tell you that you can't act. It is easy to be way out there and flambouyant. Subtly is hard. It's very hard to pull back and be natural...and you have that. You have the gift of subtlety. It is rare and precious..and if you keep trying..you will make it." Then he hugged me. I think that if I hadn't exhausted my tear supply for the day I would have started up again. Then I left and went to Icehouse theatre..for yet another great rehearsal.

I officially got the part of Luke Gant in "Look Homeward Angel" on Saturday..after a very brief reading. Then a few hours later got blocked into my scene. The people in the show are amazing..I constantly find myself challenged. Terrance, the director, is amazing. Every moment I am on his stage I find myself wanting to impress him, no...not really impress him..make him proud. I just don't want to screw it up. His vision and direction are spotless, flawless, jewels of inspiration. I learned my lines overnight..something I NEVER do. Then went back for another rehearsal sunday. Great, great, wonderful times. Spending a lot of time with Tracy, which is fun. She and I have a lot in common. Good talking during our car pools. Rehearsal all the time will not be as bad as I thought.

Working back into the swing of 5 day weeks at Jaws. It will be great...I can already tell. I kinda blew of the Oliver! rehearsals cause if you have no spoken lines a readthrough is kinda pointless. I do miss my La Mancha crew that are all part of the show. I'll blog later..I am off to bed cause I gotta get up at 5:30 a.m., work at 7:30, out at 2:30, class at 3:30, out at 4:40, pick up Tracy in clermont when I get there, rehearsal at 7:30 p.m. out by 10:30. Fun times. I'll blog more when I get time.