Heavy Chest

There are many things I would like to say right now but fear has robbed me of my outlet. I am truly sorry that the things I said in my previous entry about "You're A Good Man Charlie Brown" hurt people's feelings. That was not my intent. I keep this blog as a reminder of how I felt on the day that I wrote it. My entries are what has upset me, what I am happy about, or just incoherent ramblings about nothing in particular at times. Even when I typed those things I didn't mean for them to be hurtful to anyone because I forget that people even read these. When I type these it is to get whatever is on my chest off of it and go from there. And even so, isn't it better that what I wrote is exactly as I set it down the day after auditions. Totally untampered with, without constant revisions through a twisted game of telephone. Those words are there for me to eat...every single one of them..exactly as I wrote them. I understand that people like face to face interaction, but this truly was never to go farther than off my chest and into my blog to be filed away and revisited later, most likely followed by me seeing it as a childish thing to get so worked up about.

As far as the things I said about the musical director, director, and Charlie Brown. The things that I said were totally pieced together through things I had heard and put together on my own. I made assumptions about why Charlie got the part and posted them on my blog, yet again for my own personal storage, yet again forgetting that this is a public forum. After a week of rehearsals I can see that the director is molding the character in the way she sees fit and she cast the show the way she saw fit. Yet again I am sorry for hurt feelings, this was in no way my intent. Quite frankly if I was out to hurt feelings there are much more sure-fire ways of doing so than posting a rant in my blog on the net and I am lazy...and therefore much more direct about these things.

Now onto the original show vs. the revival. I reffered to the show several times in my past entries as crappy. I understand why we are not doing the revival. Financial issues, rights issues, performance space issues, not to mention orchestration. Let me revise my statement to say the following. In relation to, AND ONLY IN RELATION TO, the revival...the original show is lacking. As a stand alone show...the orignal is very well written, the music is really good, and the characters are very true to the peanuts comic. The only reason I hold a special place in my heart for the revival is the fact that I have seen it quite a few times in the past year and I own the CD. That is the show I know and it is wonderful. Yet again..I repeat..I understand why we aren't doing it. It just isn't within our capabilites in our current space with our current financial means. A really well done original will be better than a lacking revival due to the lack of means.

Also I would like to say that I do not think Schroeder is a bad part. I love the part. Even when I mentioned the part of Schroeder it was always in a positive way. I was learning a song to play for the part. The way I saw it in the beginning was like this. It would be like playing Romeo & Juliet but cutting the famous balcony scene. It's still a great show, but you would still miss that scene. I am a musical person...I just happened to find it much easier to relate to the revival Schroeder because of some of the amazing musical numbers they put in for him. I am finding other ways to relate to the original Schroeder, but I was originally just dissapointed that I was going to be missing out on that musical connection. I will honestly say I do like the character of Schroeder alot whether it be in the revival or the original.

Now onto what I think is the final issue for me to deal with on this entry. It has been said that I have driven a wedge between the cast..almost right down the middle. I really do not feel that this is the case. Since I posted that blog I have been to rehearsal everday and worked as hard as I can. There would obviously be a stronger bond between myself, Billy, Tracy, and Andrew...just because we have a history. I have known 2 of them since I was 15 and the other is my best friend. I am the guy who goes to a party and stands in the corner if he doesn't know anyone. I don't draw people to me. If I ever, in any way, excluded someone from any activity at rehearsal I yet again am truly sorry. I feel that I have worked hard in and outside of rehearsal. I am working on getting off book, I know most of the music, we are almost through with blocking, and any suggestions I made in regards to things we could do in the show were purely because they were things that at the time seemed like they might be a nice addition to the scene. I really feel that everything that I am saying is truthful. Since the day that I got those things off my chest I have not acted out in anyway in regards to driving the cast apart.

I wish I had been able to articulate this clearly today before rehearsal but in all honesty I was absolutely shocked and couldn't take it all in and even form complete sentences outside of "I'm sorry.", "That's how I felt, not how I feel.", and "It was for me.". Yet again I resort to the written word and I will eat every word if necessary.