The Days Soldier On

Well...I am almost there. 6 Days left till this brace is finally shed. The scar is healing quite nicely. I have come up with a sexy scar cover story or two to give to the ladies..when I can finally meet some. ERIC HAS AN ICE BREAKER! Not really a great one though...ANYWAY!! I am doing a lot of sitting around the house. But you guys already know that. I rented Transformers for PS2 and Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles for GameCube. Transformers is a good game. Lots of cool extra features if you take the time to get them..stuff like getting to watch old "Knowing Is Half The Battle" commercials from Transformers in the 80's. GREAT STUFF. The Final Fantasy game sucked...like if someone gives it to you as a gift...you could prolly trade it for a stick of gum or something and get more enjoyment. I am stranded at home with my parent's and it wasn't even interesting enough to keep me entertained long enough to avoid contact with them for a few hours. I am doing quite well as far as surviving the madness. My parent's are working hard at driving me completely bonkers..but I will survive. They want me and a couple of my friends to live here after they move out and pay them rent and stuff. They can't understand that that is the last thing any of my friends want to do...live in a beat up trailer out in the woods in the middle of nowhere. I DON'T EVEN WANT TO LIVE HERE. But I am going to make it. My ex-roommate/ex-best friend finally payed me the money he owed me and we had a uncomfortable yet civil conversation that lasted about 15 minutes. My birthday is a week away. Next Friday August 6th. My brother has already bought my present and is lording it over me like there is no tomorrow. I really do feel that life is reverting. I am trying not to be jealous of the completely mobile people I talk to occasionally...but it seeps in when you least expect it. My friend Melissa is getting married on August the 14th. She came and visited me yesterday and we talked for like 3 hours. I am happy she is happy. My laptop has yet to return to me from the clutches of the evil that is dell computer corporation. And..that's my posting.

Rough Week(modified)

  So I was talking to my parent's on the way to my Uncle Jimmy's Mother's viewing and some things got clarified.  This week we lost 3 people to cancer, one from old age, and one from undetermined causes.  And I actually don't remember meeting any of them.  It turns out that my Uncle Bob's father didn't come when we went to Disney.  It was his brother and his sister who he had lost contact with.  I just forgot.  I really did think his father came.  I just remember it being a big deal for Bob cause it was family he had lost contact with for a really long time.  So it's just been a really rough week....not really on me..but on everyone around me...which affects me greatly.  Then there is the whole stress of the not getting the money from my butt-hole of an ex-bestfriend/roommate.  He obviously went out of town the week that I found out about the check bouncing.  So he supposedly got back today...but still doesn't answer his cell phone.  I will continue to harrass him until I get my money.  Even if I have to show up opening night of his show and wait by his car until I can talk to him.  What can I say...that's almost my entire rent...can't let that go by.  My knee is fine, healing nicely.  Got some vitamin E today to put on it and help it heal faster and the scar look less scary.  Other than that things are good...really.  But could you guys do me a favor...no one else die.  Just this once...for me.  Later

Rough Week

Well it has been a really rough week.  This week alone 5 people that my family kn0ws in one way or another died.  We lost 2 to cancer, 1 to old age, and I am really not sure how the other two died to tell you the truth.  I only knew one of them...a little.  It was my dad's best friend Bob's father.  I think of Bob as an Uncle.  I once took him, his father, his sister, and his son Josh to Disney. (When I worked there)  We had a great time.  Bob had just caught up with his father...he didn't know him when he was growing up...I don't know the whole story..but I think he grew up in an orphanage.  So that's the only person that has died this week that I knew at all.  It's just a wierd feeling to watch my parent's have that many people die in a week that they knew.  To have to watch them try to decide whose funeral they will go to cause there are so many scheduled at practically the same time.  Everything will work out soon..I am just hoping we don't get anymore phone calls with bad news for a few weeks.  My knee is feeling pretty good.  Brace comes off in 11 days.

Edens Lost

  Yesterday was a great day.  Even though the title of this entry and some of the information in it may sound sad...really it's not at all.  Billy came and picked me up and we went to Universal.  He cleaned out his car so we could get my immobile but into to it...even set up a little bed complete with magazines in the back for me to chill on the ride.  It was cool.  We got to Universal and went over to Jaws where I got to meet a few of the four thousand new hires and say hi to everyone that I already knew.  There was much poking fun at the Eric...but it was great...I miss those guys.  Then we went over to the Entertainment Trailer(T-65) and on the way we bumped into Chad, from casting, he walked up to me and asked how I was, what happened to my knee, and made sure I knew when Bill & Ted auditions were. Then when I told him I should be well enough to atleast audition by then, he seemed genuinely happy about it and we chatted for a minute about my knee and his wife, ending with him telling me to get better soon and he looks forward to seeing me at auditions. I feel as if I may have made an impact at my previous auditions...atleast enough to warrent him wanting me to make auditions. Can happiness boil?  Then we went on to T-65 and I tried to get in touch with Julie, Stage Manager for Halloween and stuff like that usually and an all around good friend of mine, but she wasn't there.  Then we came home.  I got on the phone with Dell to discuss my laptop issues only to find out, after about an hour and taking my entire laptop apart on my kitchen table, that the motherboard is fried.  They are going to fix it free of charge and I should have it back in about a week.  Now onto to this morning...I get a phone call.  "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO YOUR KNEE?!?!?"  It was Julie.  I explained everything and we talked for like half an hour.  Catching up.  In the end we had come to the conclusion that I will be involved with Halloween in some way, shape, or form and for me not to worry about it.  Now onto the Edens Lost part of the conversation.  Billy and I went to lunch and had a conversation with a girl that I have known since High School.  She was asking me about Moonlight stuff and I told her that I truthfully didn't know what she wanted to know because I am not doing anymore shows there.  I was talking to Billy about the whole situation and what lead me to that decision and I said something that Billy said was very poetic.   The reason why I am leaving Moonlight is because it isn't what it used to be for me.  When I used to get in a fight with my mom I would go there and I woudl feel better.  No matter what was bothering me in this world..when I went there everything was great.  It's not that way anymore.  If I feel miserable outside of that theater...I feel just as miserable, if not more-so, in that theater.  When I got so upset after Midsummer Casting, it had very little to do with that specific casting.  It was just a combination of everything hitting at once.  Not knowing why I wasted money on my college, things weren't good with my parent's, my friendship with Nathan was deteriorating, I was loosing faith in myself as an actor, my knees were acting up, just everything.  I went to auditions because I was trying to get away from everything..but all it did was makeme hurt more.  And it just hurts when you lose your Eden.  I no longer had my safe haven...and my second family.  I have made several friends there that I hope will stay with me for a lifetime...but the feeling of family with everyone involved is gone.  Especially after the surgery.  No one from what I thought of as my Moonlight family called to check on me, no one from there asked how I was, no one except for Jennifer...and she is one of my closest friends.  But the family I thought I had...it's gone.  I am very happy for the time I spent with them, and it allowed me to meet Billy, and brought Lu Lu, Cindi, and the whole gang together, but I am moving on.  I know how melodramatic the whole thing sounds, but that is really how I feel.  Auditioning at other theaters this year...cause lets face it...No one is ever gonna get "discovered" at moonlight.  It may not happen in Orlando theaters either...but I think there is a much better chance.  That's pretty much the end of the post for me.  Things are going great though.  17 days until I get rid of this acursed brace and am yet again among the mobile.

Worst Journal Ever

Ok...sorry everyone, (if any of you still exist), I will really try to do better.  My laptop is broken and getting on this fossil of my parent's for any purpose is annoying so I avoid it...I avoid it like I avoid... well... um.... currently... bending my left knee.  So, my life, Let's see.....I sleep, I get up, I eat, I watch some T.V., I eat some more, I talk on the phone, I watch some more T.V., I might play a video game, watch some more T.V., eat some more, I shower, and then I sleep and find myself doing this over and over again.  Such is life.  Who would have thought that a brace with "immobility" in the title would make me so....Immobile?  Billy visited me Saturday of last week making my week a lot brighter.  I really do appreciate everyone who has called, wrote, emailed, chatted, came by, ANYTHING.  REALLY you guys are keping me sane.  I went out today for pretty much the first timesince surgery.  It was nice.  I can actually get around ok...it's just getting me to places that is tricky. I never realized how often I acually NEED to bend my knee...wierd.  OH, and I figured out my financial situation too.  I won't get to into it...but someone that I was not at all happy with who I shall not name but if you know me or read my blog at all you can probably guess....wrote me a bad check.  When I got home from the hospital the were threatening to repo my car and all kinds of stuff because my car payment had bounced and my account was about 50 dollars overdrafted...all because this 200 dollar check bounced.  NOW...here is why I am upset.  I know everyone makes financial mistakes...understandable.  The check was rejected on June 11th...it is now...July 17th or so.  I didn't get my mail cause I was in the hospital and my former roommate was supposed to be telling me if anything from my bank or work came in...well he didn't.   I am mad because I AM SURE that person was notified that the check bounced...I should have recieved a call telling me that they are very sorry and they will get the money to me a.s.a.p.  I am out of  work...I just had surgery...they know that.  Act like a compassionate human being.  That's pretty much that.  My life is going pretty good...gotta get out more...the rents are driving me a little bonkers...but it's all good.  I get my brace off on August 5th, 3 weeks.  That means that the immobilation of my knee will be lessened by the removal of the immobilation brace!  YAY!  Eric can drive again!  YAY!  And that is my life...in an enormous coconut shell.  I will try to post more frequently.  Don't hate me.

Wierd

Ok boys and girls. The reason the blogs have become much more infrequent is because my laptop is broken. Lu Lu swears it is because it is a Dell...I don't think so. ANYWAY. I am doing much better. They took the staples out yesterday lessening the pain a great deal. I don't have the dress it anymore which is nice. AND I CAN TAKE SHOWERS! Which I am sure EVERYONE who has come within 50 feet of me in the past week is thankful for. That's pretty much it. I will try to get on this fossil that my parent's call a computer occasionally and blog but I am not making any promises. Blog soon. COME VISIT ME!

I'm Home

Well everyone. After 3 days of being in the hospital I am home. And even though I was unhappy while I was there...I appreciate everything they did for me while I was there...pain has become a friend of mine...the kind of friend that I hit over the head with a pill or two every now and then. It is supposed to go away in a couple of days. No seriously everyone...it's not so bad. Just gotta get used to it. Well I am going to take some pills and go to bed...cause it is late..and I am tired..and my leg hurts. LATERS

The Surgery Fairies Have Blessed Me

Well the surgery is FINALLY scheduled. I will be having the actual surgery at 1:30 pm this Wednesday. I have to be there at 11 a.m. for PPP, (Pre-op Poking and Prodding). They have instructed me not to eat anything after 5 a.m. of that morning but I CAN get up at 4:30 a.m. and have a light breakfast of cereal and toast according to the nurse. No idea how long I will be in the hospital but it is almost definete that I will be there overnight. That's right folks....This Wednesday Night..ERIC BRIDGES will be appearing at Netherworld Hospital(Health Central) for a limited time only in a Paper Moo Moo. Enjoy my friends...enjoy...as it won't happen again if I can help it. (Which...I really can't...cause they gotta do the other knee sometime...but we will cross that bridge when we get to it.) I spent pretty much all of today cleaning and trying to get things organized for my "TIME OF NO WALKING". Things are coming along quite nicely. I still have to go back to the apartment tomorrow and get everything we left behind...but that will come tomorrow...and not be worried about today. I miss everyone. Blog soon.

Why Eric Shouldn't Blog

Last night I said some things regarding Carrie and I that when I reread I realized they weren't displayed very well. Carrie and I aren't NOT talking. She and I are heading in that general direction...we are following our normal pattern and I was assuming that after about another week we would be totally not talking. Now...I have probably made that true. Another thing that I said that was probably missinterpreted by most, atleast by one, is the part where I said I was released from first loves icey grip. What I meant by that was I finally have a choice in the matter...I don't just without thinking give in to what Carrie wants. I can put my foot down and say this is it...and resist temptation, something I couldn't do for a LONG time before. And it is freeing. I just don't hurt about this whole Carrie and I thing right now...I am depressed about the surgery and the having to move home, though not as depressed as I was last night.(getting a little better day after day) I am truly sorry for hurting feelings..it was bound to come around sometime.

Well..It Begins

I am technically moved back into my parent's house. We are going to get all my stuff tomorrow morning..but I won't be staying at the apartment anymore...so this is where I live. Kinda...blows...a lot. Tonight I am sitting here bored because I forgot to bring any of my stuff. I brought my laptop, THANK GOD!. I am sleeping on the couch...well the love seat. I have no TV, no books, no video games, no clothes really. It's boring. I will survive. I really wish I didn't have to move back into the rents house..but Oh well..that's life. Nathan has decided to move out of the apartment as well. That is fine..except for the fact that he told Matt...didn't tell me..told Matt to tell me and to look for someone to fill his room while I am looking for someone to fill mine. How did I not know he was an ass when I met him...I usually read people so well. Maybe he WASN'T as ass and Amber and theatrical success(If that's what you would call get a bunch of roles at Moonlight in Clermont) made him as ass. I don't know. Anyway..tomorrow is the great moving. I should find out when my surgery is somewhere around Monday. Good times. I am going to try to get everyone from Jaws together to hang out as soon as I know when my surgery is. I hope it all works out. On the Carrie and I front. She and I aren't talking. We have fallen into our familiar pattern yet again. The pattern I am sure we will never break. Well not in the way I was hoping for originally...but that's fine. I am going to break it the other way. I think I have come to the realization that I don't want what I thought I wanted from her. If for all this time she and I can play this game..and it has gotten to the point where I DON'T CARE...it's probably not worth trying to be in a relationship. And for the first time ever..I realize that..and I am fine with that. I don't hurt...at all. It's kinda nice. I think I have finally been set free from first loves icy grip.

And The Duck Stands Alone

Disney was FANTASMIC!...well actually just the last part was FANTASMIC! but the day in general was great! Lu Lu and I started our day at Animal Kingdom at 9:00, where we saw the Festival of the Lion King show, road Primeval Whirl, and Dinosaur. All of which were great. Then we went to Epcot at like 11:15 and road Mission Space. We went single riders and I met this nice family from Missouri that was terrified that they would get sick on the ride. I talked them through it and it was ok. Then we went to Magic Kingdom around 1:30 or so and we had a Pineapple Whip and ate a hot dog at Casey's while listening to a really great piano player who played a Oklahoma along with other great songs. Then we headed over to Tomorrowland to waste some time before the parade we were waiting for...how do you waste time in Tomorrowland...TOMORROWLAND TRANSIT AUTHORITY! It was enjoyable...as always. Then we headed to the parade. Before we watched the Wish Come True Parade something REALLY funny happened. There was a Momma duck that was walking along Main Street with it's baby. It was walking along like it owned the street and it had three escorts walking with it. IT WAS HILARIOUS! The Momma was quacking away making suree EVERYONE knew she was there and she was using the street. I got to see Natalie (Girl I went to High School with) as Alice and Debbie (Girl I did theater with) as The Snow Queen. Lu Lu's friend Kane was holding the rope at the end of the parade to which she shouted, "YAY ROPE BOY!" raising a few eyebrows throughout the surrounding area. Then we went to Philharmagic, that was one of the most amazing animations I have ever seen. I didn't really care for the Aladdin and Jasmin sequence...but the rest was truly amazing. Then we left Magic Kingdom and went on a trek over to Epcot...only difficult because there is no DIRECT path from Magic Kingdom to MGM...so we went to Carribean Resort and waited for a bus to get to MGM where Matt (Played Linus in Lu Lu's Production of You're A Good Man Charlie Brown) was waiting for us with Priority Seating at Hollywood and Vine. We got there at 5:30ish...and our priority seating was for 6:20. We needed to waste some time..so we went to Muppets 3D. Then we went to dinner. GREAT DINNER. It was a buffet...good food, good times, good company. There was this family to My right, Lu Lu's Left and they were awful. Imagine the most annoying family ever...multiply by 3...and add a spoiled rotten child and a BIRTHDAY CUPCAKE. That should get you NOWHERE NEAR HOW ANNOYING THIS FAMILY WAS! Our waiter decided to ignore Matt for the majority of the meal which lead to many enjoyable faces and exclamations from his side of the table. Just all around a good time. Then we went to FANTASMIC! I saw 3 people I knew...but didn't work up the nerve to talk to them. The show is still great. Matt parted ways with us and we started back to Epcot cause we left the car there. We went and road the bus with a very interesting character. An Australian who was just a little older than the two of us..I would guess who has seen the majority of the world and thinks it is normal for someone to BUY a car just for the duration of their vacation. NOT RENT..BUY. ANYWAY. We walked back to the car and drove home talking along the way. I have decided to go to atleast one audition a month when my knee is better. Within reason. That was my day...the play by play of the day. Good times.

Early Morning Waiting

I am sitting in front of my computer waiting for Lu Lu to come and pick me up. We are going to Disney for the day. YAY! Haven't been to a lot of these places since like...I quit...in 2000. We are going to try to hit all the parks at some point before they close..just see the highlights again. I CAN'T WAIT! I haven't been to Animal Kingdom, Magic Kingdom, or MGM since I quit I don't think. I have however been to Epcot a couple of times. Saw Wayne Brady and the like. Anyway...I am going to go and finish getting ready. Lu Lu will be here soon and the day of fun will begin...or continue...or whatever. I will post later with details of the day...and the tiredness that will follow.

Another Day, Another Doctor, AND ROAD TRIP!

Yesterday I went and saw Picasso at the Lapin Agile. Great show. Written by Steve Martin...so you knew it was going to be. Left my mom and dad's at 11:30ish and went to Jaws and talked to those people, then I met up with Lu Lu and soon after Mike. I drove us to Mt. Dora for the show. It was ok. Could have been better, could have been worse. I don't want to ruin any of the show for you..so I'll just say that one of my main pet peeves is people on stage doing an accent they OBVIOUSLY cannot do. That happened in the show...a couple of times. ANYWAY...it was a good experience. Then Lu Lu, Mike, and I started our impromtu trip to Deland for Dinner at Belini's...which was closed...so we went to another Italian restaurant which was fantastic..then we went and got ice cream. It was great..great day of freedom before imprisonment. Lu Lu lost and found her wallet and lost and didn't find her keys during the course of our trip. She also fell asleep and dunked her phone in butter pecan ice cream. It was a good day. That's pretty much the jyst of our day. Then today I went to the doc to get some X-rays to prepare for the surgery. Not a big deal. I will probably be in the hospital 3 to 5 days after the surgery..EVERYONE GETS TO VISIT! YAY! Oh..and whoever sneaks me in some REAL food gets to watch me eat it. YAY! YAY! YAY! I am going to see if I can bring my laptop into the hospital with me..THAT WOULD BE AWESOME! If they let me bring it to the hospital..it would give me WAY MORE to do. ANYWAY..that's it for the day. Let the packing commence.

Day O' Suprises

OK so all I did today was go to the doctor. I am having surgery, I still don't know when. It will definetly be after the doctor gets back from his vacation. I have to go get some X-Rays done before that according to a call I got today, but no big deal. He did however explain the surgery a little more in depth. I will let Jennifer fill in the name of the bones and ligaments in her comments later. The bump of bone just under my kneecap has to be moved to the right a little so as to bring my kneecap and the ligaments connected to it in allignment. It's a 3 step process: 1. Move the bump of bone. 2. Release some of the ligaments so as to relieve pressure. 3. I don't remember...but I am sure it will be painful. Then the Surprise night started. I got home and cleaned like a cleaning bat out of hell. Carrie got here at about 5 and brought me flowers. It was strange. Then we went to Spoodles. When we got there it was flooding. No..not just flooding..The ocean had decided to try to relocate over Disney Boardwalk. It was bad. We ran as fast as we could to the restaurant, using an umbrella, but still...SOAKED from the knees down. Spoodles was amazing. All Meditteranian food. GREAT STUFF! Then we went and met the gang at the parking lot behind House Of Blues. We met up with Lu Lu and her mom at the epcot employee parking lot and made our way to the show. Cindi, Lu Lu, her mom, Jen, Andrew, Carrie, and I saw the best production of Midsummer Nights Dream I have EVER seen. It was amazing. The guy playing Puck BLEW ME AWAY. I cannot wait to be part of Encore and S.T.A.G.E. I talked to Clay while I was there about being part of Encore and he says my knee surgery won't be a problem that we can work around it as long as I can sing. So only a few worries there. Then Cindi, Lu Lu, Carrie, and I went to Stake N' Shake. We ate a little, but not much cause still sooo full from Spoodles. Then we said goodnight and come home. Carrie and I talked for a long time...pretty much until 4:17 when she left. But let me tell you..a lot happened back there in those three little dots between the words time and pretty. Most of which I feel I can't divulge here on the net for everyone to read. So I won't. I walked her to her car and came inside and crashed REALLY QUICKLY. Face down on my bed fully clothed. Good night...very good night.

Oh Happy Day, Oh Happy Day

Today was a great day. I talked to Lorri and got everything off my chest that I was worried about, only to find out she was worried about the exact same things. We are going to remain friends and nothing more for a while. If, a few years down the road, after she finishes going through all of these college changes we are still interested, we might act on that. Things are GREAT! I cooked some dinner, ate, walked my dog, talked with Carrie. Things are really going very well. POSITIVE, POSITIVE, POSITIVE! Tomorrow night I am going on suprise night..not sure what to expect. All I am sure about is that we are going to see Midsummer at S.T.A.G.E. at Disney. I CAN'T WAIT! For all of it. Anyway, Billy is on his way over for ERIC AND BILLY'S FUN TIMES AT CASTLE GREYSKULL AND SURROUNDING AREA! Blog later.

Happies Of The Day

I watched some TV. Talked on the internet. Took a long, hot bath to try to get my muscles to relax. Ate some left-over Taco Salad. Talked to a few friends. And that's about it. My happy for today though is Honesty. Brutal Uncensored Honesty. Sometimes you need that to snap you back into reality.

A Heartfelt Sorry

I just would like to tell everyone I am sorry that I have been so negative lately. There is a lot going on right now with me. My knees, my apartment, my parents, my grandmother, Everything that happened with Shakespeare, my roommates or lack there of, worrying about Eddie and how he's dealing with his mom, lots of stuff....there is just a lot going on. When I am stuck in the apartment for a long period of time with little to no contact with everyone else for whatever reason, be it that I am not reaching out as much or people are just avoiding conversation with me cause I have been negative, I tend to forget that everyone else has their own life with things going on and their own problems. I am truly sorry. I am just very vocal towards my friends with what is going on in my life, what I am worried about, what I am thinking about. If I am being too negative just tell me and I will try my best to change conversation to a more positive side. It's hard for me to do...there are just a lot of negative points of conversation. One thing that I worry about constantly is the fact that I am going to be out of commision for 3 months...that is a whole summer basically..and that's all it took for me to lose contact with my last group of really close friends. You guys mean the world to me...You really do..and I know I don't say that enough. I worry that after 3 months of me being stuck in Ferndale I will find myself where I was a couple years ago..lacking in the friends department. Then there is the part of me that feels horrible even thinking about a stupid thing like my knees..a good friend of mine just lost his mother and I am worried about my knees. I have a little discomfort and he just lost his mother. Then there is the part of me that is just lonely. I am spending a lot of time sitting at the apartment by myself. It's no picnic because all I do is sit and think about everything I have mentioned in the above blog. Then there is the fact that I feel I am being dishonest with someone but I don't know how to fix it..even though I do and I think I am just scared to do it. Then there is the fact that I am finally getting a chance at what I have wanted since I was 16 year's old and I just don't know how to deal with that. But above all I am worried about losing my friends, gaining all the fat back that I have lost and ending up right where I was after High School. I am really sorry again if I have brought you guys more unneccesary pain and annoyance...and I hope that you guys can help me be more positive.

Decisions Made

Well I went and talked to my mom and dad and we talked about the surgery. We decided to go to the doc on Friday and talk to him about surgery on both knees as soon as possible. So I will probably be getting surgery in a couple weeks. Fun times. Moving in with my parents and being stuck in bed in what I am told will be excrutiating pain. Oh well...I'll make the best of it. It'll give me lots of time to read...so anyone who wants to get me a get well soon gift...Think books or video games. I enjoy fantasy novels. Music is good too..Any musical I don't have, The Shrek 2 CD..just a couple ideas. lol. I most likely be in the Netherworld Hospital(Health Central) for the surgery and a couple of days afterwards. I am worried that I will gain back all the weight I lost during the past year...3 months of little to no excercise worries me..I just got to where I look ok in a spiderman suit. OH well..I'll worry about that when it comes. That's about it.

Dreams Reflecting Reality

I had a dream last night that I was a regular cast member on friends. I was playing Ross and Monica's little brother Bobby. I moved in with Joey. Then one day I came to the set to get in costume and get ready for shooting and they had replaced me with another actor. They told me they thought it would be better if I didn't come back. I left and ended up sueing NBC for breeching my contract. That was my dream...wierd.

Hurts

Well I am no longer in "Complete Works of William Shakespeare Abridged". Tonight eagerly got on the internet to talk to some of the cast members when they got home and what do I get. Jen tell's me I am out of the show. Whereas I had expected the "We think you might want to concider dropping the show because of your knees" conversation, but not this. It hurts..It really hurts. I have felt so replaceable lately and this is just another instance of said replacement. It hurts bad... I may complain about the show...and the cast...and everything else every now and then...but that doesn't mean I don't want to be a part of it. "The more you love someone the more you want to kill them" Billy still hangs out with me...but that's it. He is the only person that makes a concious effort to hang out with me and I love him for it. He truly is my best friend. I love Jen too...I know she's busy and can't hang...I know she's just doing what she thinks she has to to save the show. I am just hurt. Most of this must just seem like stupid ramblings of a tired cripple...and maybe they are. To top things off...I try to talk to Brittany about whats going on and she tells me she doesn't care. That feels real good..when someone tells you they don't care if you are there or not. Replaceable. I am having surgery. I will go into isolation in a few weeks. I will not see my friends for prolly 6 weeks...and then when I come back..everyone will have moved on..and life will be different..and I will again find myself alone in the world. I'll go to work and the staff will be different for the most part. That spark that people that have known me for a while have noticed in me recently will die and I will revert back into the guy I was..instead of the guy I want to be. Life will go on.