Hurts

Well I am no longer in "Complete Works of William Shakespeare Abridged". Tonight eagerly got on the internet to talk to some of the cast members when they got home and what do I get. Jen tell's me I am out of the show. Whereas I had expected the "We think you might want to concider dropping the show because of your knees" conversation, but not this. It hurts..It really hurts. I have felt so replaceable lately and this is just another instance of said replacement. It hurts bad... I may complain about the show...and the cast...and everything else every now and then...but that doesn't mean I don't want to be a part of it. "The more you love someone the more you want to kill them" Billy still hangs out with me...but that's it. He is the only person that makes a concious effort to hang out with me and I love him for it. He truly is my best friend. I love Jen too...I know she's busy and can't hang...I know she's just doing what she thinks she has to to save the show. I am just hurt. Most of this must just seem like stupid ramblings of a tired cripple...and maybe they are. To top things off...I try to talk to Brittany about whats going on and she tells me she doesn't care. That feels real good..when someone tells you they don't care if you are there or not. Replaceable. I am having surgery. I will go into isolation in a few weeks. I will not see my friends for prolly 6 weeks...and then when I come back..everyone will have moved on..and life will be different..and I will again find myself alone in the world. I'll go to work and the staff will be different for the most part. That spark that people that have known me for a while have noticed in me recently will die and I will revert back into the guy I was..instead of the guy I want to be. Life will go on.