A Heartfelt Sorry

I just would like to tell everyone I am sorry that I have been so negative lately. There is a lot going on right now with me. My knees, my apartment, my parents, my grandmother, Everything that happened with Shakespeare, my roommates or lack there of, worrying about Eddie and how he's dealing with his mom, lots of stuff....there is just a lot going on. When I am stuck in the apartment for a long period of time with little to no contact with everyone else for whatever reason, be it that I am not reaching out as much or people are just avoiding conversation with me cause I have been negative, I tend to forget that everyone else has their own life with things going on and their own problems. I am truly sorry. I am just very vocal towards my friends with what is going on in my life, what I am worried about, what I am thinking about. If I am being too negative just tell me and I will try my best to change conversation to a more positive side. It's hard for me to do...there are just a lot of negative points of conversation. One thing that I worry about constantly is the fact that I am going to be out of commision for 3 months...that is a whole summer basically..and that's all it took for me to lose contact with my last group of really close friends. You guys mean the world to me...You really do..and I know I don't say that enough. I worry that after 3 months of me being stuck in Ferndale I will find myself where I was a couple years ago..lacking in the friends department. Then there is the part of me that feels horrible even thinking about a stupid thing like my knees..a good friend of mine just lost his mother and I am worried about my knees. I have a little discomfort and he just lost his mother. Then there is the part of me that is just lonely. I am spending a lot of time sitting at the apartment by myself. It's no picnic because all I do is sit and think about everything I have mentioned in the above blog. Then there is the fact that I feel I am being dishonest with someone but I don't know how to fix it..even though I do and I think I am just scared to do it. Then there is the fact that I am finally getting a chance at what I have wanted since I was 16 year's old and I just don't know how to deal with that. But above all I am worried about losing my friends, gaining all the fat back that I have lost and ending up right where I was after High School. I am really sorry again if I have brought you guys more unneccesary pain and annoyance...and I hope that you guys can help me be more positive.