Edens Lost

  Yesterday was a great day.  Even though the title of this entry and some of the information in it may sound sad...really it's not at all.  Billy came and picked me up and we went to Universal.  He cleaned out his car so we could get my immobile but into to it...even set up a little bed complete with magazines in the back for me to chill on the ride.  It was cool.  We got to Universal and went over to Jaws where I got to meet a few of the four thousand new hires and say hi to everyone that I already knew.  There was much poking fun at the Eric...but it was great...I miss those guys.  Then we went over to the Entertainment Trailer(T-65) and on the way we bumped into Chad, from casting, he walked up to me and asked how I was, what happened to my knee, and made sure I knew when Bill & Ted auditions were. Then when I told him I should be well enough to atleast audition by then, he seemed genuinely happy about it and we chatted for a minute about my knee and his wife, ending with him telling me to get better soon and he looks forward to seeing me at auditions. I feel as if I may have made an impact at my previous auditions...atleast enough to warrent him wanting me to make auditions. Can happiness boil?  Then we went on to T-65 and I tried to get in touch with Julie, Stage Manager for Halloween and stuff like that usually and an all around good friend of mine, but she wasn't there.  Then we came home.  I got on the phone with Dell to discuss my laptop issues only to find out, after about an hour and taking my entire laptop apart on my kitchen table, that the motherboard is fried.  They are going to fix it free of charge and I should have it back in about a week.  Now onto to this morning...I get a phone call.  "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO YOUR KNEE?!?!?"  It was Julie.  I explained everything and we talked for like half an hour.  Catching up.  In the end we had come to the conclusion that I will be involved with Halloween in some way, shape, or form and for me not to worry about it.  Now onto the Edens Lost part of the conversation.  Billy and I went to lunch and had a conversation with a girl that I have known since High School.  She was asking me about Moonlight stuff and I told her that I truthfully didn't know what she wanted to know because I am not doing anymore shows there.  I was talking to Billy about the whole situation and what lead me to that decision and I said something that Billy said was very poetic.   The reason why I am leaving Moonlight is because it isn't what it used to be for me.  When I used to get in a fight with my mom I would go there and I woudl feel better.  No matter what was bothering me in this world..when I went there everything was great.  It's not that way anymore.  If I feel miserable outside of that theater...I feel just as miserable, if not more-so, in that theater.  When I got so upset after Midsummer Casting, it had very little to do with that specific casting.  It was just a combination of everything hitting at once.  Not knowing why I wasted money on my college, things weren't good with my parent's, my friendship with Nathan was deteriorating, I was loosing faith in myself as an actor, my knees were acting up, just everything.  I went to auditions because I was trying to get away from everything..but all it did was makeme hurt more.  And it just hurts when you lose your Eden.  I no longer had my safe haven...and my second family.  I have made several friends there that I hope will stay with me for a lifetime...but the feeling of family with everyone involved is gone.  Especially after the surgery.  No one from what I thought of as my Moonlight family called to check on me, no one from there asked how I was, no one except for Jennifer...and she is one of my closest friends.  But the family I thought I had...it's gone.  I am very happy for the time I spent with them, and it allowed me to meet Billy, and brought Lu Lu, Cindi, and the whole gang together, but I am moving on.  I know how melodramatic the whole thing sounds, but that is really how I feel.  Auditioning at other theaters this year...cause lets face it...No one is ever gonna get "discovered" at moonlight.  It may not happen in Orlando theaters either...but I think there is a much better chance.  That's pretty much the end of the post for me.  Things are going great though.  17 days until I get rid of this acursed brace and am yet again among the mobile.