Meltdown Day

Well...today was the day of Eric's meltdown. Sorry I haven't posted for a while all you devoted readers...Namely..Jen and Lu Lu...and maybe Billy. Here is the brunt of it...all posted to Billy in an IM...poor guy..he's a great friend.

ThePoetremage: I will get over it...either that...or I will work more and talk less. Either way...life goes on.

BluesBrother42: don't say that

The PoetreMage: Don't say what? That I will work more and talk less? Or that life goes on?

BluesBrother42: the work more talk less part

The PoetreMage: Oh ok.

The PoetreMage: I don't think I will live with Nathan after our next lease period. Like me, you, and Nathan will live together this time next lease period...and then I will prolly get my own place...or maybe a place with just you...or a place with someone else...But I think living with Nathan is hurting our friendship.

BluesBrother42: that can happen

The PoetreMage: We just come from completely different worlds. I come from having to watch my money, and having to grow up early, and knowing that I will work all my life....Nathan comes from money...and bragging...and...Nathan... I am the most mature of the three of us living here right now...I wanna be the kid dammit. I wanna be irresponsible and spend lots of money on things I want...and all that crap..but I can't...I watch Nathan do it and then listen to him complain cause he spent 4 thousand dollars in 2 weeks... And Matts no better..he is making ridiculous amounts of money and he is constantly complaining about how he has none. And then him constantly getting huge roles...That is just annoying....And people comparing me to him onstage...

BluesBrother42: I'm sorry buddy

The PoetreMage: Sorry...I can take a lot...but eventually I melt down.

BluesBrother42: with good reason

BluesBrother42: any other person would melt down under the circumstances

The PoetreMage: Sometimes more articulately than others....this time being one of them....

The PoetreMage: And the worst part is..I don't know how to make it better...

BluesBrother42: I wish I knew how to make it better

The PoetreMage: It's ok.

The PoetreMage: Matt moving out will help some.

The PoetreMage: You moving in will help some.

The PoetreMage: Me making money will help some.

The PoetreMage: Eventually getting a role onstage will help some.

BluesBrother42: all very true

BluesBrother42: when I move in you won't be alone, we can be broke together

The PoetreMage: Getting put on equal playing ground with Nathan would help some...whenever that happens.

BluesBrother42: you don't have to be on equal playing grounds with Nathan

BluesBrother42: what the hell is equal playing grounds with nathan anyway

The PoetreMage: Getting cast in a role of similar size in the same show.

The PoetreMage: A singing role.

The PoetreMage: Sorry...I'm done..This is my occasional melt down...wondering what I am doing with my life...if it's worth it...why I try so hard....everything...

That's that...That is my meltdown. It's here for all to see. Good thing Nathan and Matt don't read my journal...might open a few eyes...when you put it in writing it brings it into reality.