Saturday, May 27, 2006

Always The Friend, Never The Boy

So that didn't take long...what the hell is wrong with the world? Why can't I be with someone? Not to be too...TMI..but if all I wanted was sex I'd have no problem at all...but I want more. I want to cuddle on the couch and watch movies, and feel love...and good morning calls to see how I'm doing. I want to say babe and sweetie and hear them in return. I eventually want to hear I love you...and say it... But again..I don't get to. Am I a horrible person to be with? Am I just to hard to be around? What the hell is wrong with me? I just want to break something....I feel broken and now I want to pass that on. I now have no job, no relationship, no money, and a shit load of bills. I just want to know what's wrong with me. There must be something. In science you try the same experiment and if something goes wrong every time and there is only one variable that is the same..that's the flaw...well I am the flaw in this experiment. In almost 24 years I have not found love...even once. Most everyone I went to high school with has gotten married or dated seriously or something. I'm still single, solitary, unlovably lovable...me. And I guess I should just accept that. I'm good enough for sex...but not for love. What have I accomplished in my life? I haven't amassed a sum of money. I haven't built a lot of quality friendships and brought people together. I mean don't get me wrong...I have friends...but most times the ones I hold most dear hide things right in front of my face and I just go on pretending I don't notice. I haven't passed on my genes. I haven't found my calling. I haven't changed the world. What is my purpose? Why am I here? Atleast Princeton had Kate....all I have is temporary false families onstage that I lose contact with as soon as the curtain closes. They tell me I'm talented, I'm attractive....but it doesn't matter...because they only have to deal with me for 2 to 4 hours at a time....and in scripted context. I'm tired of being me...I'm tired of being alone...I'm tired of..being. I'm not suicidal...I'm not that much of a coward...or that brave..or however you want to see it..so just don't. I hate this...bye.
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2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Eric,
It's me again, believe me when I say that it will happen to you just like it has happned for a lot of people... It does take time and (I know everyone says this but) it will happen when you least expect it. Don't spend to much time thinking about it.
I wish I could cuddle with you, call you in the mornings and tell you to your face how much I have loved you from a far the past 6 years. Chin up kid! You are sexy and wonderful and people do notice! I do!

9:07 AM
Anonymous said...

Hey sweetie. Long time no talk. I know it probably feels like you are the only single person left in the world, but trust me, you aren't. I know so many amazing single guys right now who are saying the same thing you are. I'm not sure what is going on with people these days, but girls for some reason can't see the sweet, funny, and genuine guys who are standing right in front of them. I guess it's true that nice guys do finish last. There is nothing wrong with you! There is just something wrong with the girls you are going after. I have to agree with the previous anonymous poster who said that it will happen when you least expect it. I swear, when you aren't looking for it, it will come and hit you in the ass. You are an awesome guy and I really wish we lived closer so we could hang out. I think we need to plan a day to meet up at Universal. Just remember that you are not the flaw! XOXO
Tag you're it!
<3 Trisha from HHN

10:51 AM

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